Saying 'No'

Day 2 of "2013 Ultimate Blog Challenge" : Saying 'No'

One of the reasons why so many of us are usually so stressed-out, is the fact that we are unable to say 'No'. There are so many times when we compromise, because we do not wish to hurt the other person's feelings. So many times, we just keep our mouth shut and allow other people to exploit us in many minor ways, just because we're scared of confrontations and "making a scene".

The most amazing thing is that the people who are closest to us are the ones who usually get away with most of the exploitation!

Anyway, be it family or friends, or mere acquaintances, having healthy boundaries is very important in life. Speaking up for yourself, not letting others take advantage of your gentleness or helpfulness or friendliness, these are things that will probably make you seem cold and aloof to some, or even hostile to some others. But, in the end, it's your life, and if you let others trod over you for their own selfish gains, then you have only yourself to blame.

So say "No".

Whenever something doesn't seem right to you, just say 'no'. There is no such thing as 'peer pressure'. It's only in our minds. And if you don't have time to 'help' someone, then also say 'no'. Charity always begins at home, and it always begins from you. If you often find yourself being cornered into taking on more than you can chew (yes, literally too!), just hold up your hands and say 'no'.

And remember...

Your time is important. Whatever you do is important. You are important.

Don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

This is my second post for 2013 Ultimate Blog Challenge.
Link to the previous post: "Happiness Jar"

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Want to Add Something?

Smita said...

Oh! I have been preaching this to so many ppl around me. Learn to say no and stop letting ppl take u for granted!!! Easier said than done ppl say!!!

I am slowly learning the art though :)

Bhavya said...

I wish it was that easy to practice this. :|

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@ Smita and Bhavya - I agree! It is so much easier said than done! Even I have only just started practising this! And the first few times when we say 'No', it makes us feel so guilty and bad! But with practice, it's gradually getting easier day by day. :)

Apala Sengupta said...

Such a simple yet strong topic you have chosen. Kudos on that first!
Saying NO at times is so so difficult, but as you said, it is needed. I wish we all could practice more of it when required. just the way some folks cant say no, another set of folks cant accept a no! thats when things start becoming challenging!

am so glad I took up this challenge, more because i am reading such wonderful posts each day, and meeting such wonderful ppl like you :)

Corinne Rodrigues said...

I agree, Chicky. It's better to say 'no' straight off than to accept to do something and resent someone for it!

Richa Singh said...

This is something that I have been trying to scream through people. We as a society esp women consider saying no a disrespect but there is no greater disrespect than the one where you deny quality to your life...

Thank you for writing this wonderful post :)

Vidya Sury said...

I used to suffer a lot from the inability to say no syndrome. I think I am a bit better now. Nothing like a plate that's overfull with more than we can chew. And then, the emotional misery.

Thanks for a nice post!

the little princess said...

I've found myself cornered so many times just becoz of the inability to say no.... i also realise that i'm being taken for a royal ride sometimes, but the fear of hurting someone is a deterrent. but like u said, there has to be a stop somewhere... hope i do it next time around!

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Very well said, Apala. Some people just can't take a 'no'. They take it as a personal thing, not realizing that the other person might genuinely have some valid reasons for saying 'no', which may not necessarily be related to them at all. I've seen so many destroy relationships just because they couldn't take a 'no'.
Thank you so much for visiting and those feelings are totally mutual. See you around... :D

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Corinne, you've added such a valid point! That is exactly what happens when we let others encroach upon our boundaries! Consistent inability to say 'no' does lead to resentment eventually!

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

:D Richa, you've hit the nail on the head with the women bit. I don't have any experience about the remaining parts of the world, but, in India, females are taught from a very early age that everyone else is important EXCEPT THEM. Be the last one to eat. Leave your homework to make tea for the guests. Compromise for family honor. Quit job to take care of family. Quit job to accompany hubby to wherever he got relocated. At every point in our life, it is reiterated, over and over again, that our needs are secondary, we are secondary, everyone else is important. That is why we find it the most difficult to say 'no'.

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Vidya, I've also only recently started this practice of saying 'no' when I don't want to or can't. And initially, the change brings out such an aggressive part of our personality, doesn't it? Over time, the guilt subsides and then we realize that it's okay to say 'no' even without making a big fiasco about it. Thank you for appreciating the write-up! :)

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@the little princess - Oh yes! Big time 'rides'! Sometimes we end up doing such insane things, at even more insane timings! LOL! it is always best to say 'no'... short and sweet, no fuss... rather than feel bad about it later!

SuKupedia ™ :) :) said...

I have not yet mastered this art but I have started.. have so many people with such a problem.. the word 'NO' is so important at times.. like the way you put it :)

Elizabeth said...

Nice to reach your blog atlast...Wondering why I never came across your blog before...anyway better late than never :)

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Sample 'Saying No' practice session.

OB: Want.
CK: No.
OB: Um, do you even know what I want?
CK: No.
OB: Don't you want to know what it is I want before you say no?
CK: No.
OB: Um, but but..
OB: OK, I'll tell you anyway! :D
CK: ...
OB: Aloo Jhol!! Like, lots of it. And that painting. And the bookmarks.
CK: No.
OB: Peeej? :(
CK: No.
OB: Leetil leetil only?
CK: No, you are mental.

Anonymous said...

It's so hard to say NO sometimes!! :(
I'm still learning the art of saying no diplomatically!!

Gayu said...

Kaddu, saying a NO is very difficult, especially if it is a loved one. Many a times, they fail to understand that we also require a ME space and we cannot be available 24*7 for everyone.

Nice post

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

That is so true, SuKupedia. So many people have problems with the word 'No'! But ultimately we have to set a boundary, even at the cost of letting go of those people at times.

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Elizabeth, thank you for such nice words! :)
I'm usually a blogosphere recluse, that's why we never came across each other before. Thanks to UBC, we finally meet! :D

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@OB - Hahahaha! That one was good! I realize now that I owe you at least one more serving of aloo-jhol for giving me all that practice in saying 'no'! :D

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@pixie - LOL! Diplomacy and I don't see each other eye to eye at the moment! But it feels good nevertheless, if I can say 'no' in any way at the moment!

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@Gayu - Exactly! ME space is so important. Most people assume that if we love them, we MUST be available to them 24 by 7! And if we say 'no', they take it to mean that we don't value our relationship with them! Or even that we are too self-centered and rude!

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Wow! This works! I mean, you're very kind, thank you thank you :)

Sunday ko aata hun phir, lunch pe. Khoob saara bana ke rakhiyega. Aur ek patila mere ghar ke liye bhi. See you!

Kaneenika Sinha said...

Thanks for writing about it! Looks like I am sailing in the same boat as many others :) I have a colleague at work who has been a mentor to me and has given me valuable support and advice. Yet, one thing I like about her is that while she helps out if she is in a position to do so, she is also very firm and clear about boundaries in interaction with her. No one dares to misbehave with her at the workplace and some even consider her hostile. I think she is doing the right thing.

By the way, here's my take on the serenity prayer, "Oh Lord, give me the strength to say yes when needed, courage to say no when needed and the wisdom to distinguish between the two."

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Kaneenika, I love that small prayer you shared above! It is so important in today's times! :D

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Hahahaha! After I finish the daily blogging, OB. No time right now! :D

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Yay! August!

T said...

It sounds so simple, yet the toughest thing to do. I don't we're taught how to draw boundaries, as we grow up. We only learn how important it is to obey, to keep others happy, to accommodate, to tolerate that we never quite learn how to draw the line.

A very apt post. :)

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

LOL! OB, you're too much! :D

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

Very rightly said, T. "To accommodate". That's what we are taught.
Glad you could relate to this post. Cheers! :D

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