I'm probably going to sound like a "stuck record", but I honestly can't help it! The "Google Analytics discovery" yesterday, that made me go "Speechless", continues to haunt me.

That wasn't one of your routine "just-another-secret-blog-admirer" cases. (And I should know about secret admirers, considering that my blog is practically driven by them... so many page views every month, but hardly any comments!) No, that was something deeper, something more bizarre...

The report said there were 8 visits via that "keyword search", and the "new visits %" was 12.50%. Now 100 divided by 8 is 12.50... which means that all 8 visits were by that one single person, who read 3.50 pages per visit, and spent an average time of over 8 minutes per visit on my blog. That's some serious reading.

I looked up the dates of these 8 visits: they were all on the 7th and 8th of December 2011. December 2011 was the month when I was busy making preparations for my relocation to Jaipur... when I was looking forward to leaving behind all that ugliness and bitterness in Patna. And sometime during that period, someone was repeatedly declaring his love for me to Mr. Google!

Oh I DO believe now that this visitor was a "he". I was chatting with a blog buddy yesterday evening, and was discussing about this "mysterious lover of the author of miss_teerious". (The search phrase specifically mentioned my full birth name - with a correct spelling - and not "kaddu" or "mysterious kaddu" or "miss teerious"... which means that it was directed to the author and not just the blog.)

My friend on chat didn't think this could have been somebody's idea of a practical joke. He said - "its a person who clearly has affectionate feelings for you yet wishes to remain anon." I don't see any reason for any females to remain anon. For that matter, I don't see any reason for any guy to remain anon either, but then I'm obviously thinking from a girl's point of view... or maybe just MY point of view! I have no idea how a male mind works in these matters.

Anyway, what I really want to say is that while Mr. Google may be our life-saver regarding most things in the world, I don't see how it could have helped in this matter. miss_teerious is not a revenue-generating blog. It does not cater to any specific niche. I don't base my posts on any keyword list. I just write about any damn thing in the world that catches my fancy for a while! So I usually never bother to look up all those fancy reports in Google Analytics. The most I'm interested in is what places people have visited me from. Or which posts have been read the most.

As a matter of fact, I have no idea why I went into that section yesterday either, but if I hadn't, I would have never known that some "anonymous" guy had affectionate feelings for me (at least in December 2011!)... and now that I DO know this, I still don't see what I can do about it, because
1. I still don't know who this person is, and
2. December 2011 was such a long time ago!

This is like when we were teenagers! After a shower in the winters, the bathroom mirror used to be covered in steam, and we used to write the name of our latest crush on it with our fingertip. "I love Remington Steele." Yes, I had a major crush on R S once upon a time. (The character, not the actor... just like my current crush on Jacob Black!) I even wanted to get an Alsatian dog as a pet and name him "Steele"! Of course, my long time crush was always Aamir Khan! But I'm digressing. I'm sure this isn't a case of "teenage crush" here, or "celebrity crush" either. (I can hardly qualify as a "celebrity" yet, can I?)

So then what was the point of writing that "declaration of love" in a Google search box? Honestly! I've never seen ANYbody do this! Never even heard of it done by anybody! It would have made so much more sense to write it to me directly, in a mail or something. My email ID is ALWAYS mentioned on my blog, linked to the round "@" button on the top. So is the link to my Facebook account (though I keep disappearing from FB every once in a while). And if nothing else, one can always send me a comment on any of the posts here. They are all moderated, and I don't publish those comments wherein the commenter shares any personal info or asks me to keep his/her comment private.

Now maybe I'm just too practical, but I really fail to see how this kind of passive attraction or love helps in any way. If there's someone I feel crazy about, I may not have the guts to say it directly to him (in those many words), but I would surely think of some way to convey my feelings. After that, the target of my affection would obviously have a choice... whether to reciprocate or ignore my feelings... but I could never live with a "What If...?" hanging over my head for the rest of my life! I mean come on yaar... "pyar kiya hai, chori nahin ki! Chhup-chhup aanhein bharna kya?"

At least that's the way I feel about love. I know that different people have different styles of working. So I'm nobody to judge someone. Moreover, it also depends upon the intensity of feelings. I would have to be truly, madly, deeply in love with some guy (not just some half-baked feelings, you know)... in order for me to expose my heart and risk rejection. But if I DID feel that strongly for someone, then I wouldn't just give up without even trying! NEVER! NO MATTER WHAT! I would AT LEAST try to let that person KNOW how I feel...

Writing this on Google, instead of to me, was just so...

Well I still don't know what it was! And I'm still as stunned as I was yesterday!

But if that person preferred to talk to Google rather than to me, then perhaps he should have written he loves google instead of my name!

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