Myriad of Emotions: Emptiness

Is that an emotion? It must be. 'Coz that's what I'm feeling today. Empty. Hollow. Like I don't even exist. Like a part of my soul is missing. A big part. Or maybe all of it.

I feel like re-visiting a part of my past that I was forced to leave behind. As if a part of me was left behind there somewhere, and I need to go back and reclaim it.

But the thing is... we humans have a tendency of excessively glorifying the past. "The Good Old Days!" Even if I do eventually decide to go back there for a visit, in all likelihood, I'll find nothing there even remotely resembling the past. (Or at least that *filtered version* of the past retained in my memories!)

But perhaps I will find that part of me that I am missing. Perhaps I will feel a little less empty, a little less hollow.

You know what, I don't like this particular round of NaBloPoMo. I had no idea I was so averse to processing my feelings. I've done four posts so far, and all of them were from the positive end of the emotional spectrum (Love, Inspiration, Happiness, and Enthusiasm). Today also, I kept going through the list over and over again, in an attempt to find another positive emotion I could relate to (like I did on Day 2). There is an instinctive impulse to *bury* any emotion not falling in the positive spectrum. ("Shoo! If I don't acknowledge you, then you're not there!")

Why is it so important to express ALL your emotions anyway? What good does it really do if one accepts that one is hurt or angry or miserable or jealous or scared or any of those scores of other negative emotions? Does it change the circumstances in any way? No, right? So why bother to acknowledge them or express them or anything? Why not simply ignore them or distract yourself with something else? What difference does it really make?

So I'm feeling empty. There. I acknowledged it, accepted it, and expressed it. Now what? So pointless...

I'm not sure if I'll complete this *emotional digging*.

This is my fifth post for NaBloPoMo March 2011.

Link to the previous post: Myriad of Emotions: Enthusiasm

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Want to Add Something?

katie said...

hi kaddu! thanks so much for your kind comments on my blog. i'm so glad that anything i wrote could be of help to you.

as for what you wrote here, i think whatever you are feeling, even if it is emptiness, is worth acknowledging. sometimes for me, when i'm feeeling empty, it's really that i'm just burying something else, and the emptiness acts as a defense or shield. i think many people say to be positive, and some people think that means that you can't express certain feelings that others might consider "negative" but i think that emotions themselves aren't negative, it's all in what you do with them, how you express them, etc. anger can be very positive. it can help you realize when you are being hurt or wronged, it can give you strength to take care of yourself. i do think there's such thing as being angry or sad or other emotions like that, and having it be a positive experience when you allow yourself to explore it. just being who you are and where you are, wherever that is in your life, giving yourself that acceptance, to me that has helped lift the veil of foggy emptiness at times. thanks for sharing! wishing you peace and wellness :)

Kaddu said...

Thanks Katie :)

Your words make sense... it is quite possible that the emptiness may be acting as a shield.

Still, I do not grasp completely the need for expressing emotions. For example, there are some people who take pleasure out of annoying others. But if you cannot avoid them completely, then what's the point of expressing your annoyance. Same with anger etc. I don't know... let's see how the rest of the month goes.

See ya around...
Take care...

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