On Birthday, Women's Age and Marriage

Three scores and three. Made it so far without causing any major calamities (for me or the family). Most girls... ok make it "practically ALL girls"... would rather not disclose their age on their public blog, or would prefer to appear younger than they actually are, but for me, my age is a matter of immense pride. Those of my readers (especially the male ones) who have made the mistake of jumping to the assumption that I'm in my early twenties, know better now! [grins]

The thing is... I was a teenager once, and it was fun being a teenager at THAT time. Then I passed through my twenties too, and even that period seemed cool THEN. But now I'm in my thirties, and it may seem old to some (ok many), but for me, it's just the age I want to be right now. The perfect middle ground between over-excited youth and graying wisdom! If you ask me (nobody will, I know, but I'll answer anyway!)... "thirties" is when life really starts getting "HOT" [with a sly crooked smile]! As a matter of fact, I think the forties will be even more "hot"... and not due to global-warming! He he!

I know... the teenage readers here and all the young college freshmen will not accept this without a fight. In fact, I'm pretty sure they won't even accept it WITH a fight, but, it's not them... it's just their age that is to blame. But that's okay, my friends... you all will also get to be 30 one day. So go ahead and enjoy your teens and twenties while you still can. And rest assured that when you finally reach the thirties, I will be prancing around in my forties somewhere, and I will come back here to brag about how cool the forties are! Hahahahahahahahah!

But enough teasing the youngsters here... let's get back to my birthday. I was informed by a couple of people yesterday that the day carried special energy vibes (11.1.11) and that meditation or other energy work would be very beneficial. The funny thing was that even without this information, the first thing I had done yesterday morning (after having tea, of course) was to give myself a very welcome Chakra balancing session with Reiki. The energy flow was superb, though I had no idea it was due to the "vibes of the day". And the last thing I did before hitting my pillow yesterday, was a half an hour meditation session, followed by a few minutes of silent chanting. The energy movement that I could feel through my body then was even better than the morning. Vibes or no vibes, it sure felt good. :D

Also, I spent a lot of time yesterday on phone and the internet... in active social interaction... something that I don't do much on a regular basis. (Despite the general "chatterbox" mood of this blog, I'm actually a very quiet person in real life.) But for birthdays, I mentally prepare myself in advance for all the extra interaction, which makes it easy to deal with. So anyways, the phone conversations obviously started with the wishes and the birthday celebrations, eventually leading up to the most favorite topic of Indians: MARRIAGE. I mean come on now... an Indian female, still single on her 33rd birthday, is obviously a major source of mystery to the rest of the countrymen, isn't she? Well I was in such a good mood yesterday that I listened amicably to everybody's suggestions and advice... even played along with them!

Some of the full-time housewives told me that marriage is crap, a totally useless arrangement, and that I'm better off single. My own cousin (who is 3 years younger to me, but has a 4-year old son) advised me to go for a live-in arrangement instead! (Yeah, I told her I will convey her suggestion to my Dad, giving her full credit for it!) And some sounded totally exhausted with all their domestic drudgeries. Not even a hint of the old fun and excitement in their voice. In fact, after hearing their voice on the phone, I was like "WOW! They remembered to wish me in THAT mental state! They must really care for me a LOT!"

On the other hand, one of my male friends, who is married to a full-time housewife, is blissfully happy... he's apparently got a free "personal secretary" to take care of all his domestic chores and social responsibilities, while he slogs to earn the bread for the family. Fair enough. (I have seen him appreciating all the little things she does at home, such as cooking in the hot kitchen in peak summers, so I know he was only joking about the "personal secretary" thing!)

And then there were those eternally young spirits, who constantly complain about their growing waist lines, about their extraordinarily naughty kids, and their hectic work schedule too in some cases... and keep laughing all the while they complain... as if their messy life is the funniest thing that ever happened to anyone in the whole world! Like I said... eternally young! :D

Then there were a few philosophical friends too, who told me it didn't really matter whether one married or not. Like me, they are the "thinkers". They think, and they think, and then they think some more. And eventually they come to the conclusion that it's not worth all that thinking... it doesn't really matter anyway. :D

So anyways, all that social interaction yesterday gave me a LOT of food for thought... so let me share some of my "thinking" with you guys now.

I think that marriage is nothing but what we think it to be. People who take it as a major responsibility feel burdened by its weight all the time. Those who take it as a binding or restriction get exactly that from the relation. The ones who consider it as a support system... "mutual give-and-take" or "sharing of responsibilities"... find that it's just like any other business arrangement (a few compromises, some negotiations, and benefits worthy of the risks and "sacrifices" involved). And the happiest of the lot are perhaps the ones who just take it as a new experience, with an open mind, ready to accept both the positives and the negatives equally, with all their focus on having as much fun out of any situation that comes up.

And then I thought some more too. About kids. Well kids just grow up on their own, regardless of how much time and attention you give them. They just adapt to whatever they see around them. And they learn to expect the "familiar" surroundings. There is simply no way to be the "perfect" parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent! The entire life is a long process of trying new things, making mistakes, learning, trying more new things, making more mistakes, learning some more. The whole idea of being a "perfect" ANYONE is delusional!

And finally I thought about marriage and me. And I realized that the most important things for me, in such a relationship, were honesty, communication, support and appreciation. I could live in any circumstances, in any part of the world, as long as these four basic conditions were met. But the absence of even one of these four things would mark the end of the relationship for me.

I can live in the toughest of conditions; I can work a full-time job and manage the house too if required, or I can be a full-time housewife if so required; I can stay with in-laws or without them; I can adapt to practically any kind of situations. But if there is restricted/closed communication between me and my partner, I will start looking for the exit. If there is lack of transparency, I will start looking for that exit even more urgently. And if I feel I'm not being appreciated, or my partner is not supportive enough, and it's always boiling down to "him" and "his needs" and "his wishes" and "his dreams" blah blah blah... then I will just run! Not only run, but also attempt to bolt all the doors behind me so he couldn't follow me!

Does that sound crazy or irrational (or any other mumbo-jumbo you want to call it)? Maybe it does. But that's how I am... at least at the time of writing this post. Oh and in case you are wondering about the absence of "love" in my "basic requirement" list... well that was deliberate. In my 33 years of existence on this planet, I have learnt that different people have different interpretations of the word. It's usage is so ambiguous, in fact, that I no longer consider it as a parameter for deciding who I get married to.

Oh and one last thing I "thought" on this subject was that I would rather stay single my entire life than spend it with someone who doesn't value my presence in his life.

So much for all the thinking. I'm off to bed. If you find any typos in the post, kindly ignore them this once. Thanks.

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Shobhit said...


If you ever feel short of any more thinking on that front, you know where to pick up some useful threads from... :P

Kaddu said...

No thanks Shobhit. I'm already done with my thinking. Don't want to confuse myself.

Roshmi Sinha said...

Hahahahahah! I enjoyed reading this post... but then I enjoy reading all of your posts :)

Happy Birthday!

What you have indicated in your "basic requirement" list... is "love". Love is not what we see on the big screen... courtesy Bollywood’s numerous Kings of romance :)

Venice said...

Blessed heavens... Thanks for penning down most of my thoughts out here! :D

Belated Happy Birthday Kaddu!! I hope this year is filled with more thoughtful posts from you! :)

Anyway, yeah, most women go through these thoughts... I have a few just married, mid-married and long-time married friends who each have a different version of marriage. It's exactly like you said in the line, "I think that marriage is nothing but what we think it to be."

You've put it down quite well. All your thinking is really good - it helps us readers get a new view to elements in life! :)

Have a great time ahead! Cheerio :)

-- Venice.

Kaddu said...

Thanks Roshmi! :D

Yeah well people tend to misinterpret your needs these days if you simply use that one word, 'coz they might have some other interpretation for it in their dictionary. So I have simply stopped using it.

Kaddu said...

Thanks Venice! I hope the thinking machines are able to churn out useful stuff for my readers! Ha ha! And yeah... this blog actually is all about showing different perspectives... so I'm glad it's serving its purpose. Thanks again... see you...

Megha said...

I really enjoyed reading this ..can connect with it because I am also on the wrong side of 20's and in a matter of few years from now will hit 30's. Hope I am as much fun in my 30's as you sound to be..way to go woman..Good luck!

Kaddu said...

Hi Megha,
Thanks for dropping in! :D
I'm positive you will be as much of a nut case as I am when you reach your thirties! Know why? Well you have the same blog template as me, and there's even some "Mystery" involved in your blog, just like in mine! So that makes us 2 peas of a pod, right? ;-)

ZB said...

Though, i am no M K Gandhi of Lage raho Munnabhai, I would say getting married has its benefits.....which outweigh most of its negatives....Foremost-you have rich in-laws who treat you better than your own parents and thus you have a cushion and a security apparatus if you were to fall, which makes you much safer in this world of sudden financial meltdowns....

On the other hand, i fully endorse you views of turning 30+....I am 33 too, i feel life had never been better...i hate my 20s, which were filled with slogging and tough times, both in educational and career front....I now am completely independent, make my own decisions and believe to have most of the wisdom it takes to steer through life path.... I am sure 40 would be much better....OK, looking good and sexy is too important when you are in ur 20s, but now it has almost zilch significance...i feel its important to live and look healthy ( minus the bulging tummy) and more than the looks its what you are that matter......Life is calmer and there is no hurry, which was not the case in 20s......I am looking forward to 40s, and may be 50 and 60s are much even better than what i thought...I read recently that men over 50 are much better than men in their 20s...i feel its correct, unless you are down and ur body aint supporting your spirit.Thats why its important to be healthy and with good body i am sure even 70s would be interesting to live...2011 is dedicated to health for me....I have finally realized the importance of healthy body....If we have health, we have everything else...varnaa game finish...sorry , very looong? Keyboard diarrhea...TC:))))Loved this post

Kaddu said...

Exactly my sentiments, ZB!

And yes, staying healthy is the most important requirement for enjoying your later years the way they can be really enjoyed. The good news is that it IS possible to remain healthy even in middle age and old age!

ZB said...

And its important to be happy in life....Gods have been so kind to us....he gave us a sound brain ( i am sure blogging requires some level of Intelligence) and has made us with much less manufacturing defects which need not be the case....appreciate life and love everyone...i feel only when you love others that you live in real peace.....nothing is more important in life than peace of mind, and it comes only when you give and share love....happiness and love are two sides of a rupee coin.....and he moment you get angry or hate anyone the peace and happiness vanishes from the persons life.....Have a great year Kaddu.TC:)

Kaddu said...

Well... like I said... I don't use the word "love" now. Agree with everything else... appreciate life, care for others, and more importantly, care for yourself first.

But getting angry is a normal part of life, just as long as we know how to move on. And nobody is worth hating... there are better ways to spend our energy I believe. There are a lot of interesting people around, with whom we can find better better utilization of our time! :D

evanescentthoughts said...

REally enjoyed reading the post Kaddu.. one of your best.. ""I think that marriage is nothing but what we think it to be." loved this statement and I agree with everything you have written.. there is no point in getting married with someone who doesnt value one's presence in their life..
Belated Happy Birthday!! :)

Kaddu said...

Thanks Avada! :D

Vyazz said...

First off...........Belated birthday greetings to ye!!! :)
And secondly.............I'm in my mid twenties, and some my aunts are already wondering for the "perfect" match for meself.
Frankly marriage creeps the hell outta me. I'm still in the comic book reading, video game playing and eating my heart out phase of my life.
Wot if my wife is an exact opposite?
Wot if shes a control freak?
Wot if shes has nothing in common with me??
And frankly.........I still feel I'm eons away from a "married life"..........
Never been a romantic type, so frankly I cant do the red roses and chocolates bit!!
Mebbe I'm socially premature...
But I guess thats where I am!!!!

Kaddu said...

Thanks Vyazz! :D
Arre tell your aunts mid-twenties are the new "teens". You're too young!
Apart from that, I personally feel opposites make a better couple, as there is scope of growth for both partners in this case. And who says comics, video games and food are out after marriage? Well not for me at least! :p
Just don't think so much... be yourself and do your thing. Ups and downs happen in all walks of life... and relationships are no different, as long as one doesn't give up and is open for change.

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Kaddu! just loved reading ur post!!!!

Btw, a belated Happy Birthday! Our birthday is close to each other! never knew!

really love ur description of age 30s! I could not have done that! You are absolutely right, it gets hotter after u cross 30!

When I used to hear it from other 40 somethings, I thought, uh! they are just showing off! But now I know, how it feels!!

You style of writing of very vibrant! Keep it up!


ps: btw, u tagged me somewhere in some post? i got a mail intimating u tagged me on fb? I don't check it much, let me know what is it?

Kaddu said...

Thanks Restless! :D

Yupp, I tagged u on the FB page for Kadzilla's Lounge. Birthday wishes u know! :D

See ya...

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

January 11, 1978:- Soyuz 27 links with Salyut 6 & Soyuz 26; the first ever time 3 spacecraft link.

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

OB... you sure DO have a LOT of vella time! Isn't it enough for you to know that the author of miss_teerious was born on this great historic day? Do you HAVE to go digging up info about spacecrafts linking as well? :D :D :D

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Don't you get it, Kads? This link up was engineered to mark the day you were, ahem, unleashed. It was a Salyut from Space from the Soviets ;)

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

ROTFL! You ARE mental!

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