Order in Disorder

Beds unmade, clothes strewn all over the house, kids screaming & fighting with each other, someone talking nineteen-to-a-dozen on the phone, the rest chatting with each other at the top of their voices (and believe me... members of the Singhania family have been blessed with a very loud voice!), extra cooking, extra laundry, extra all-the-usual-house-chores... and on top of it all, you end up with a severe viral infection!

Not the prefect environment to prepare for an exam, right!

From very early childhood days, even though there was never any pressure from the family, I set myself some exceptionally high standards regarding studies and exams. For me, anything below 85 is as good as fail! And the time to celebrate is only if I get over 95%!

As such, preparing for today's exam involved more of "getting-myself-mentally-ready-to-accept-a-FAIL" than just going through the course material!

Until 2 days ago, I was 100% sure that I was going to fail in this paper and that I would have to give it again a couple of months later. (For me, that's more tragic than a bad "break-off"!) But then suddenly, with a lot of Reiki from those who love me, my fever disappeared and my mind cleared enough to be able to read clearly, without the words starting a "Tango" among themselves!

By yesterday night, I started to feel that I might even be able to just make it through! The required passing percentage was 50 -- way too less than my own pass standards of 85, I agree -- but I kept repeating to myself that I must be realistic, and that I should be flexible enough to adapt myself according to the situation.

With that thought in mind, I decided to simply go and give the exam... and then leave the rest to God! In fact, all my focus had only been on getting well enough to be able to get to the exam center! Luckily, the infection didn't spread to my lungs, or else I would have been almost completely bed-ridden for at least a week, on a strong course of antibiotics! (Thanks to all that Reiki!)

I scored 76% eventually... and despite all that mental talk of being realistic and flexible etc, I am not happy. My Dad understands completely how I'm feeling today. He reminded me that I did my best in the given circumstances, and that is what matters in the end. So I shouldn't be so harsh on myself! He also reminded me that I still had 14 other exams of this course to clear, 14 other "mountains to conquer"!

Hmmmm! I wonder if I'll ever be able to make such a sensible parent!

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Sachin Malhotra said...

very nice blog...

pls visit my blog and share ur views...


thank you

Mahesh Nayak said...

Hi dude, you reminded me of the time when my sisters marriage was during my 7th sem final exams. Lotsa relatives at home and no personal space for myself. On top of it there was some cricket matches going on - Ind vs whom-I-dont-remember. I used to sit in front of TV and watch the matches, talk and entertain my relatives, help around with the marriage stuff and sat in front of my books for very little time. Miraculously I did well and ended up surprising myself. But it was so much fun.

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