My Blogging Community's Take On "LOVE"

I just read the comments on a fellow blogger's post about love (

... especially liked this bit...

"Most people love out of their selfish nature where they choose a partner best suited to their wants. Very few love for the sake of love… whatever that means!"

... and this bit...

"MOST people who claim to be in love with their special someone often are in love with their own ideal perception of that special someone… as long as the perception stays the same, love thrives; once that perception undergoes change, the fate of the relationship changes…"

So very aptly put!

I Love You

A few years ago, I prided myself on having like dozens of very close friends, with whom I used to frequently hang out and do lotsa stuff together.

And yet, each time I fell sick, I used to feel totally lost and lonely!

I used to lie in my bed with fever (which generally happened around my birthday) and wished there was someone near me who would pamper me and say (if not with words, then at least with actions) - "I love you"!

I hated falling sick!

For the last few months, I have hardly been in touch with anyone. Doing most of the stuff I do, on my own.

And yet, I have never felt so good before!

Now when I fall sick, instead of feeling alone and mourning the loss of people who are not with me anymore (and also those who never quite got around to being with me!)... I lie on my bed and find myself automatically repeating the words - "I love you" - to myself - with the same kind of feelings that I would have if I were consoling my hurt-and-crying-nephew!

I don't even have to think consciously of saying this to myself! Anytime I'm sad... even if it is for just a moment... the words come of their own accord - AUTOMATICALLY!


Yes, I love you Kaddu... and you'll never be alone as long as I'm with you... and I'm gonna be around with you till you take your last breath!

Ha ha! This is super cool! Finally, I can be pampered as much as I want to! :D

P.S. - And only a few moments ago, I was reading a friend's blog who was wondering if he was self-obsessed! He he!

P.S. 2 - I still hate falling sick!

Update at 10.00 pm

Actually, I finally realized that the kind of unshakable and unconditional love I am capable of giving to a person (anyone) is something that is not easy to find in humans! As such, there aren't going to be many people on this planet who can reciprocate it with the same intensity!

So I figured that instead of despairing about why others couldn't love me the way I love them, or waiting to come across someone who would, I'd just simply go ahead and love myself! As it is, I do such a good job of it (I'm the only one I know of who can love someone the way I do!)... it follows only logically that I am the best person to love me! :D

Update on June 12th, 2008

Also read "My Blogging Community's Take On 'LOVE'"

Emotional Freedom

My previous post ("Total Responsibility") ended on a quote by Eric Robins, MD...

"Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses."

Actually, I have been planning to write about this since I returned from Guwahati, but well… you all know me, right! :D

This Guwahati trip has been much more than just a “fun holiday” for me – it has provided me an excellent opportunity for my own spiritual growth. I have been able to look at myself from so many different angles there, that it has sort of completely changed my outlook on so many things!

One of these “angles” I talked about in an earlier post (probably the shortest post on my blog!) – “Share A Good Read” – where I mentioned about my weird attachment (at a sub-conscious level) to criticism!

The other thing I “saw” there was my inability to express my emotions in the right way – and especially hurt and anger. How did I “See” this finally? Actually, I saw it in my cousin Rishabh. Watching him was like re-living my own childhood!

I know it sounds crazy – especially to those of my readers who have no clue/interest about/in such things, but, that’s what happened there! And it is actually a universal phenomenon - it’s just that not many of us are aware of the fact that we may have developed this “problem” (for that’s the way it is perceived) as we grew up… and so we continue believing that we are perfectly normal… until something happens in life that forces us to re-think!

Rishu is a brilliant kid – good personality, outgoing, friendly, all smiles all the while, very responsible, involved in lots of extra-curricular activities, takes excellent care of his younger sister, makes no fuss about his food even – but he’s totally incapable of expressing his emotions!

Reason? I don’t know… could be anything. But, he’s already gone into this “auto-mode” of controlling his emotions… and he’s just 10! It’s as if there is this invisible “censor-board” sitting inside him, flaring the “red signal” the moment any negative emotion dares to cross the threshold of his mind!

I remember now, that’s exactly how it used to be with me too – this little “inner voice” kept telling me it’s “WRONG” to feel hurt or scared or angry! And I kept blocking my emotions – I didn’t have any other choice did I?

But, the fact is that you can’t fool yourself into constant happiness… you can’t “pretend” that you are always happy, just by constantly “blocking” all the other emotions! You have to feel everything else too! You need to control your reactions to your emotions, but you can’t subject your feelings to validation – you can’t be judgmental about what you’re feeling! Your feelings are ALWAYS RIGHT!

I remember, if I felt hurt about something, I would simply avert my eyes for a fraction of a second (normally I talk eye-to-eye with anyone) while the “internal censor-board” did whatever it used to do… and then I would be my usual self again! And the feeling would be successfully blocked – I would just never get around to feeling the hurt completely!

I’ve heard this from other people too – that they are not able to express their feelings when they are hurt or sad, but, frankly speaking, I couldn’t really “relate” to it at that time. I think maybe all elder siblings have this tendency to “block” their “supposedly-unacceptable” feelings… thinking that they are just being “in control”… but there is a major difference between “controlling” and “blocking”.

There was this incident in Guwahati when Rishu was scolded for screaming when he was scared, because “his act would create fear in Radhika’s mind too, as she always copies what he does”! Now how would this statement help in any way, in alleviating his fears? The only purpose it would serve is to plant in his mind that “he can never let his fears show”!

(I’ve also always been haunted by this one particular memory when I was being scolded in the zoo, because I wouldn’t ride the elephant ‘coz I was scared of it, and so my sister wouldn’t get on it too!)

Well, blame it on improper conditioning, or simply accept it as practical lessons you need to learn in this birth… the fact remains that until and unless we free ourselves from such emotional traps, we can never be totally free of our diseases and whatever other problems we may have in life.

Feelings are body’s ways of communicating with us… and, as such, they are meant to be experienced, acknowledged, thanked and then allowed to go. If you keep validating them and blocking them, you are simply “archiving” them in your system.

It’s like those hundreds of emails sitting in your inbox that you haven’t bothered to “deal with”! Process, delete - do whatever is required… but unless you tackle them “head-on”, you won’t get rid of them. They’ll remain sitting in your inbox forever, unnecessarily using up the server space!

Sorting through years of “archived crap” requires a lot of patience and determination, but you can never be really free and light until you get around to doing this. Emotional freedom is an essential requisite for any kind of real healing. And until you free yourself from your emotions, you can never lead a perfectly normal life… no matter how well you manage to fool yourself into believing that you ARE perfectly normal!

"Total Responsibility"

I was recently forwarded an email by a fellow healer and would like to share it here, for I believe that, unlike those "chain mails" with pictures of Sai-baba, or Jesus Christ or Ganesha or any of the other millions of Gods, this particular forwarded email actually has the ability to change the world around us.


by Joe Vitale

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients--without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho'oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more. I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do.

Beyond that, it's out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does--but that's wrong.

The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist.

He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous.

Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit. "Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

'After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,' he told me. 'Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.'

I was in awe. 'Not only that,' he went on, 'but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed.'

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: 'What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?'

'I was simply healing the part of me that created them,' he said. I didn't understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life--simply because it is in your life--is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy or anything you experience and don't like--is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho'oponopono means loving yourself.

If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone, even a mentally ill criminal you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients' files?

'I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again,' he explained.

That's it?

'That's it.'

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message.

This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you,' I didn't say it to anyone in particular.. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying 'I love you,' I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

I later attended a ho'oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He's now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive.

He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book's vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

'What about the books that are already sold and out there?' I asked.

'They aren't out there,' he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. 'They are still in you.' In short, there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves.

Suffice It to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you. When you look, do it with love.


On an ending note, would like to quote Eric Robins, MD...

"Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses."

This is so true, but, more about this in my next post... so stay with me...

Who Has The Biggest Brain?

This is the game that I have been talking about in my last 3 posts here. And my readers, who are not on Facebook, might be wondering what exactly it is about! So here’s a short briefing for them…

As the name suggests, “Who has the Biggest Brain” tries to find out who, among your friends on Facebook, has the biggest brain.

And how does it do that? Simple. The game challenges your skills in 4 different areas – analytical, numerical, memory and visualization. Each of these 4 sections is timed, and you have to score as much as possible in the time given. At the end of it, your scores in the 4 separate games are added up, to give you the total size of your brain in cubic centimeters.

Furthermore, each section has 2 different games, out of which only one (selected randomly) is dished out to you in a single game of “Who has the Biggest Brain”.

In the analytical section, you either get to select the heavier object from the different “scale layouts” presented; or, you have to judge the number of cubes presented before you in different arrangements, which keep getting more and more complex as the game progresses. I’m better at counting the cubes.

Your numerical aptitude is checked by either asking you to calculate the answer of the given mathematical equations, or by filling in the “blanks” with the correct mathematical sign (+, _, *, /) in the given equations. I find it easier to calculate the total than to fill in the blank.

The memory section is what I’m currently having a problem with. I score the lowest in this section. Anyways, the 2 games that can be given to you in this section are –

1. Pairing up the cards game, which we all have played at some point of time in our lives, with the normal playing cards.
2. Remembering the objects presented in the correct order, and then selecting them from the assorted group, in the same order. This one is a lot easier for me actually.

The last section deals with your visualization abilities. You either get a confusing jigsaw puzzle here or you get a bunch of floating meteoroids, each with a number/alphabet on them, and you have to click on them in ascending order. I do much better on the meteoroids one.

So there. These are the different games you get to play in order to find out the size of your brain. So far, I have been doing the best in the meteoroids game, with the cubes coming in at a close second. I have to work more upon my memory though. My sister is best at the cubes one – her designing mind enables her to quickly visualize the cubes in the 3-D perspective, which is where I get stuck!

Anyways, I’ve just played 40 games so far. And practice leads to perfection. So I guess I’ll just have to keep practicing!

And here's more in Games on my blog!


Yayyyyy! I did it! And that too in just ONE SINGLE game! I beat her 2613 cc "Alien Brain" to get myself a (hold your breath!) 2742 cc "Squidlian Brain"! Ha ha! I'm loving it! And I'm loving the crown too!

P.S. - I'm still talking about the Biggest Brain Game on Facebook.

And here's more in Games!

Aliens At War!

In continuation of my previous post, "Happiness", my sister also just exchanged her 2437 cc "Cyborg Brain" with an "Alien Brain" on Facebook! And guess what! Her "Alien brain" is 13 cc bigger than mine! Couldn't let me enjoy the crown for even 48 hours! Now I have to go back on Facebook and try to get myself an even smarter brain than hers!

P.S. - Yes, I'm talking about the Biggest Brain Game on Facebook.

And here's more in Games!


Haven’t blogged for quite some time – I know! Been caught up with things! Wanted to write about lotsa different stuff, but, as usual – the “STUFF” hits me when I’m doing something else! Duhhh!

Anyways, I guess I’ll start with “happiness” today… ‘coz that’s what I have been feeling lately!

And why have I been feeling happy?

Hmmm. Now that’s a tough one!

Actually there isn’t any specific reason for it – I just feel like smiling for nothing! (Maybe I’m progressing towards insanity!)

Yesterday I was feeling extremely irritated because of something, but then a little while later, I was smiling about how I was feeling irritated earlier! (Pretty dangerous, eh!)

You know, I have realized something! (Yeah another one of “those”!) I have realized that “happiness” is a highly over-rated, over-emphasized and over-analyzed word! In reality, it is nothing but a state of mind, or, to be precise, the “nature of your thought-process”!

If you think about positive, upbeat, inspiring and motivating stuff, you feel “happy”. In other words, if you visualize a “happy picture” in your mind’s eye, you automatically become “happy”… whereas if you think about distressing, sad stuff, you become sad!

Oh and I have also realized – you aren’t the only idiot in the world, the planet is full of them! Most are even worse than you! And the worst of the lot are those who don’t even realize this fact about themselves, and simply keep pointing it out for the other idiots!

My “Colgate-Smile Recipe”: If people make you feel like an idiot, simply remind yourself that they are the bigger idiots… ‘coz, unlike you, THEY aren’t even aware of this universal truth that ALL humans are idiots! Once you realize you’re still with your “own pack” and haven’t strayed away to some unknown land filled with strangers, you’ll feel safe and content – and, more importantly, ‘HAPPY’!

Actually, staying happy isn’t so difficult after all, you know! Listen to good music, watch an inspiring movie, go for a walk all by yourself, do some vigorous exercise, play a mentally stimulating game (I’d recommend the “Biggest Brain Game on Facebook, where I just achieved a 2600 cc “Alien Brain” to top my friend list!), invite a couple of friends over to your place and make pizza, watch old photographs, watch the Ads on television! (Yeah, some of these commercials have such a “twist-in-their-tale”!)… The list goes on and on!

I have been watching the Ocean’s series for the last 3 days (1-a-day). I like the way those guys go after the money with a steel determination – not for the sake of the money, but for the pleasure they derive from the experience of the thefts – right from conception to resource management to implementation to handling the last-minute glitches!

That’s the “secret formula for happiness” – find something you like doing… and then DO it… not for the end result, but, for the act itself… for the “rush” you get when you are in the process of doing it!

Oh and never expect anyone else to make you feel happy! Heck! People, who can’t sort out through their own miseries, how do you suppose they’ll be able to pull you out of yours!

So much for the “free gyan” today! Keep smiling! And try to beat my “Big Alien Brain” on Facebook! Ha ha!

How I Fell In Love...

... with Webshots!

October 2002. My first job in Delhi. My first job in a BPO.

Dad was worried - "How would I commute to the office at night?"

I said - "No problem, company provides cabs for home pickups and drops."

Dad was worried - "Where will I stay?"

I said - "No problem, Pranav has rented a place in Noida. I'll stay with him till I find my own place."

And Pranav's place is where this happened!

This is the picture that was on his Desktop as wallpaper when I first took a look at his PC.

And I totally fell in love with it - at the very first sight!

Feels like the dolphin is coming straight towards you - to "rub noses" with you! :D

I was told that the source of that pic was some software which randomly changed pics on the wallpaper - and that's all.

It took me awhile to figure things out - and some more to find out where this pic was saved while it was on the desktop as wallpaper.

To make my folks understand how to get this software on my own PC back at home was a totally different matter altogether! (Remember - we are talking about the late 2002!)

Anyways, I mailed the instructions for downloading and installing Webshots to my sister, but, I knew she would lack the motivation to try and figure out something new (and that too, related with computers!) unless there was some solid WIIFM (What's-In-It-For-Me) behind it!

So I sent this dolphin pic as an attachment in the mail.

The ruse worked. My sister and dad also fell in love with it - at first sight!

End result - Webshots was installed on my PC at home for the very first time!


Why am I narrating this story on my blog now, after so many years?

Because I want to prove that the common belief that "Love fades away with time" is false!

I'm still as much in love with this dolphin as I was the very first day!


Share A Good Read

"Go placidly in the midst of praise or blame."

So true! This was one of my major realizations during my trip to Guwahati! I finally figured out that while I remained totally unaffected by "praise"... crediting the praiseworthy act to some "higher forces" instead of being "my own doing"... I DID associate myself with all the "blame" however, even if it was totally unjustified! But why such selective attachment? If the compliments aren't meant for me, then how can the criticism be for me?

Good Morning!

When I opened my Outlook Express today morning to check my mails, I found a cool surprise gift waiting for me there! ... Something that brought a smile to my lips the moment I set my eyes on it! :)

Thanks Vatsap! Never imagined that the "social service" ( was going to be so quick! I think from now-onwards, I'm gonna send this pic to any "prospective suitors" that my relatives and other well-wishers may come up with! ;-)

He he! I look so simple and innocent in this pic, don't I? It seems hard to believe that such a sweet looking face could come up with such a wicked idea! But don't we all know... "looks can be deceptive"! :D

Oh and thanks once again for not missing out that mole above my eye! :D Yeah, it is on the correct side of my face, so I won't need to pick up a paintbrush and some color... like that teacher in TZP! He he! :D

Also check out how I used this picture in my Facebook Cover Photo.