From my Past Relationships, I have learnt…

This is a part of the questionnaire one has to fill while creating a profile on orkut. I have a profile on orkut too, for the last several months now… and I keep updating this point so very often there. Reason… relationships teach us so-so many things that it is just not possible to summarize everything in just one short paragraph and put it up there! Hence, I decided to answer this point in my blog here.

The first thing I learnt from relationships is that they come in all kinds of different shapes and sizes! While some may be just a 2-day interaction with someone you share your compartment with on a train-journey from Patna to Bangalore, there could be others in which you are just stuck for the rest of your life!

And yet, they all are the opportunities God gives us to learn… about ourselves, about people and about life in its totality! You could say… relationships are the “practicals” we get to test the “theoretical” knowledge we acquire over the years from life!

Relationships tell us what we are good at, and what aspects of our nature we need to work more upon. They are like mirrors, reflecting our own personalities all around us! They teach us how to love and to trust and to give.

Looking at my nephew giggling away with delight, as I throw him up in the air and catch him again… it makes me realize how simple trust is… and yet, it’s so hard to come by in later years of life!

I have learnt that while a lover teaches you all about vulnerability and “nakedness of soul”… beneath all those layers of protective masks you enshroud yourself in over years… it takes a child to teach you the true meaning of patience… when you are forced to repeatedly answer the same questions over-&-over again, when your impeccably kept room turns into your kid’s playground, when the baby has to go potty exactly when you sit for lunch…!!

It is also a child who eventually makes you realize how many sacrifices your parents have made for you! I have learnt that no matter how badly I screw things up, or how nasty I get, my Dad will always be there for me! His love for me will never “go out of the window”!

I have learnt that when a person deserves to be loved the least, he really truly NEEDS to be loved the most at that time! And I have learnt that having even one person at your side who believes in you and the inherent goodness in you… when the entire world around you turns against you… when you yourself have no faith or respect left for yourself… it could just completely change your life forever! More importantly, it could just save you from jumping off that train or that high-rise building, consumed with hatred for yourself!

I have learnt how to forgive, both others and myself… and I have also learnt how difficult it can be to forgive… especially yourself! I have learnt detachment. I have learnt it isn’t wrong to “move on”… ‘coz more than anyone or anything else, you owe your loyalty to your own growth and development first!

I have learnt that relationships aren’t always what they appear to be on the surface. The way people act/react with/to each other, could often have reasons going as far back as a previous birth maybe! Everything in this world happens for a reason. But, most of the times, the limited scope of our perspective and our own egos don’t allow us to see those reasons! I have seen how ego and power-play come into picture in relationships. We are so surrounded with the “I”, “Me” and “Myself” that we are just not able to see the other person’s point of view!

And I have learnt how easy it is to give up on people ‘coz of the “coal” you see on the surface… and yet, with just a little bit of perseverance and faith, you could end up with a mine full of “diamonds”… if only you choose to dig deep enough and for long enough… and have the eye to discern the "diamonds" when you come across them!

Relationships can really bring you rich rewards if handled with enough TLC… Tender Love & Care!

In Fond Memory of My "First Love"

19th July, 2007:
Little did I realize when I woke up yesterday morning, that the day was going to be a bringer of such bad tidings! This ill-fated day marked a terrible loss and insurmountable grief for me. "My First Love" took the first of his last few remaining breaths in this world! I did all I could to save him, but... alas! :-(

This post is a tribute to the 6-year long relationship I shared with him… 6 complete years of love and agony; of happiness and misery; of support and belief… I could just go on and on!

He came into my life at the end of July 2001… and since then, he’s been my best friend, my pillar of support, the source of all information I could ever seek! He’s been a “teacher”, a “dictionary”, an “encyclopedia”, a “medical journal”…!

He’s been my Single-Point-Of-Contact with the entire world! He’s helped me meet new friends and business contacts! He’s found jobs for me… and been my Personal Assistant! He’s taken care of all my assorted collections… of movies, songs, pictures… everything!

He was my voice… gave me a platform to express my views and feelings. I have shared all my fears with him, all my “heartbreaks” and all my little dreams and fantasies! No one else in the world knows me as well as he does!

He sang to cheer me up when I was feeling low. He played cards with me when nobody else in the world had time for me. He believed in me when nobody else did. He stood by me when all else had left. He was there with me… FOR me… even when the whole world had forgotten about me!

He strived unerringly and un-falteringly for completing every little whim of mine! I would wake him up at 7 in the morning and would not let him sleep till one at night… sometimes even throughout the night… and yet, he never complained!

He never refused me for anything; never doubted my integrity or questioned my love for him! He always had complete faith in me and my capabilities… even on occasions when I lost faith in myself!

I have lived with him day-in and day-out… as roommates… for years now! I ate with him, drank with him, and even spilled some on him! Spent many a long nights pouring out all my woes to him, while he tried to lift my mood by distracting me with all kinds of silly games!

So very often, I had to leave him and go off on my own, in search of “greener pastures anew”… yet, he would always stay behind and wait patiently for my return… and would always welcome me back with an open heart!

Now that he’s about to leave this world, I realize that I would have nothing left of him but memories… of all the times spent with him… of all those laughs and tears and thrills…! I will miss him always and love him always….

Kads… in mourning… till I get a new “Computer”!

Corruption in India

Had been fretting over my Dad's Income Tax Refund lately, for which he has been waiting for the last 3 years! We are about to file the Returns for one more year now... July 31st being the last day to do so... and we still haven't got the Refunds due for the last 3 years! Somehow, those people in the IT Department keep losing our files... and we have already submitted the copies of the original documents two times! Carelessness at its best... or is it something else?

Recently my Dad also had to renew his Car/Scooter Registration. The vehicles were originally registered in Kanpur and we were required to transfer the registration to Patna, since we stay at Patna now. Had to pay about 50% of the "official" charges as "bribe"... over and above the "official" charges!

Everywhere you go, it is the same old story... you gotta "pass-the-bucks" if you wanna get your work done in any government department here! You wanna apply for a passport... you have to throw money to get the police to "verify" your papers... even if everything is already in place! Some bureaucracy we have here!

So there I was... pestering my Dad with the "Why", "How" and "Where from" of corruption! I mean I am his daughter, right? So that fact alone gives me the right to ask him questions... related to anything and everything under the sun! And there he was... answering my questions as best as he could... something that he has been doing for the last 29 years now! Ha ha!

And then... after putting my father through several minutes of unadulterated torture (!!!)... I finally got "enlightenment"!

It so happens that there are something like 56 lakh Gods and Goddesses (exact figure not known!) according to the Hindu Mythology! There is one deity for "Knowledge", one for "Wealth", one for "Prosperity", one for "Removing Obstacles", one for "Justice"... and the list goes on! So basically, there is a complete "Division of labour" amongst our Gods too!

And guess what... our religion here says (as taught by the "pandits" in the temples at least!) that we have to make "offerings" to the respective God/Goddess depending upon the nature, immensity and urgency of our "wish", to get it fulfilled!

In other words, if we are praying for a job that pays 50 grand a month, we'd have a very bright chance of success if we promise something like say 5 grand to the Gods... as proclaimed by the religious preachers! AND the more Gods and Goddesses we keep happy... by giving offerings... the more blessings we receive to get our wishes fulfilled!

So there... now you understand where does this corruption stem from in India? If our Gods/Goddesses themselves need to be bribed for answering our prayers, then why should these government officials be any different? Haahhhh!