Having a child is like "having your heart go walking around outside your body forever"!

Hey all! This entry was supposed to be posted yesterday, but my net had been giving some problems, so it got delayed. Anyways, I have been real busy for the last few days with all kinds of errands and odd jobs for the new "mom-n-dad" in the family... and of course, the baby! The chores brought to surface two prominent thoughts in my mind...

One, it sure feels good to be needed by someone, even for something as trivial as buying a wrought-iron rack to stack the baby's clothes and other stuff!

And second, why do people go through this self-inflicted torture and misery of child-birth?

This is the first time I have been witness to a birth from such close range. The older women of my family, who were with my sister-in-law at the time of delivery of the baby, said that the pain and discomfort would all be over in just a few more minutes! Whereas, the truth is that the misery and the era-of-sleepless-nights has actually just begun for the mother and the father!

The hunger-cries of the baby every 2-hours (even at night!)... the messy bed-sheets and clothes... the despair at not being able to understand why the baby is crying when it's not time for a feed yet! ... Few years down the line, there will be headaches about which school to admit him into, the donation required for admission, the preparation for the entrance test etc! And then worries about saving enough money for the best possible higher education that could be provided to him and prayers that he doesn't get involved in wrong company and gets into drugs and the likes!

Eventually its all gonna boil down to getting him settled in life - decent job, decent spouse, a house of his own, and finally... the question that's so commonly heard today in everybody's homes... "Why aren't these kids starting their own family now?"... 'Coz at the end of this cycle, all parents want to become "grand-parents" so that they can finally sit back and actually enjoy the presence of kids around them, without the load of responsibilities and heartaches that come along with it! But when they eventually DO become grand-parents, they realize that their sons/daughters are located half-way across the globe, so they still can't enjoy whatever is left of their lives with their grandchildren!

Makes one wonder whether it really is worth all this trouble! :-/

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Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Frankly, I don't see the LOGIC behind human reproduction. Aren't there too many of us already?
Raising a kid is stressful, expensive and to be really honest, quite thankless.
If you want a kid badly, adopt one. or two. Give something back to the society. Contribute. In ways other than producing one more brat. In any way. Pick a cause.

PS 'you' here refers to no one in particular.

Kaddu said...

Ha ha! That's EXACTLY how I felt abt this when I wrote this post! :-D
Now things are bit different... I still DO want to adopt a kid... maybe even sponsor the education of some more... but I want to experience childbirth too now! :-D
I suppose I have a "thing" about experiencing all that I can in this life ???

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

My mum tells me that everyone goes thru this babyphobic phase at some point in their youth.

This changes with the passage of time.

Ah well, let's see.

I do feel that no one should bring a baby into a world where its immediate environment is likely to be stressful - parents who fight violently, crippling poverty, etc.

Its useless to think that the arrival of the baby will change anything for the better.

Kaddu said...

I used to think that way too... abt not spoiling another innocent life if we don't have control over ours! But now, I'm not really sure abt this... :-/

What if it's a Karmic something for the kid? What if he's meant to go thru the suffering as a result of some past Karma? Or what if the initial suffering is meant to bring out his hidden talents/potential or sth?

I don't know really dude... so I just believe now that "if the baby is meant to happen, it will happen; if it isn't, then no matter how hard u try, it won't! Not even an adopted one!"

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

I don't know. I don't like the idea that we can't control our destiny.

Kaddu said...

Hmmmm.... I think we can control some part of our destiny but not all of it. So we can't really do anything if we are born to poor parents or if our parents get separated after our birth or if we lose a leg in an accident... etc etc

But we can try & make the best out of any given situation... like this handicapped guy Kamlesh who performed amazingly in the "Dance India Dance" show on Zee TV. I wonder if you see that program. If not, then u must try & find the videos of his 2 performances somewhere on the net!

This iron-waala infront of my building has 3 girls n finally 1 boy! And his wife thinks something is wrong with me that I'm not getting married & producing a line of babies! For her, that's the only "right" thing to do for a girl my age! She knows only that much & tries to give her 4 children the best she can!

Some parents who quarrel with each other a lot eventually get divorced, so that their children get a peaceful environment to grow up, even if its with only one parent! Some other parents chose to continue living together, even in the hell they create together, so that their kids get to be with both parents!

Eventually, it just comes down to different perspectives and different perceptions! We all try to live our lives in the best possible way we know... and we try to keep learning better ways... and our kids eventually add on to our foundations with some of their own renovations! And I guess that's how life goes on...

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

Didn't know about Kamlesh, will certainly look him up now :)

Ok. Kads. Imagine. (Hard!). You are dirt poor. Your spouse is an abusive drunkard. The choice is stark, and simple.

There's nothing we can do AFTER we're born, but as potential parents, we DO control the arrival of another life. Nothing karmic about it IMHO.

I know its about perspectives and perceptions. Nothing is right or wrong. To each, his own.

But, since human beings are governed by thinking, reasoning minds that respond to real time stimuli, unlike animals who are automatons run by natural instinct, shouldn't we, at least, think?

Kaddu said...

LOL! If I could think that far ahead, I wouldn't be "dirt poor" married to "an abusive drunkard"! But the category of people you are talking about, their thought process is limited to producing as many "working hands" for the future as possible.

They don't have the intellect to understand that just one educated and well brought-up child would have a better chance of earning good money than half-a-dozen uneducated, poorly-fed and poorly-bred adults, who, in all likelihood, are going to turn into some more "abusive drunkards" like their father!

Maybe we ought to thank our past Karma that we are not born to such parents! [:D]

Ls said...

Adoption is a very noble thought. I have thought of it myself even though I have my own children. Always good to give a better life to a child.

Chicky Kadambari said...

Hi Lata... but is it really worth the trouble? Especially if I'm thinking of being a single parent?

Parul said...

Well, I don't have kids by choice. However, sometimes I do think of adopting or sponsoring. But I agree that it's not an easy job.

Chicky Kadambari said...

Sigghhhh! Parul, you said it!

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