Saturday, April 9, 2016

A to Z of Happiness: D - Disregard #atozchallenge @AprilA2Z

All of us want to be happy, but all of us are influenced by negativity from all directions, be it from the outside or from within us. Negative criticism from people we know, or own own negative habits, or even the negative voices in our head--all of them steal our joy, self confidence and happiness. In order to be truly happy, we need to learn how to ignore and disregard all such negativity in our life.



There are three sources of most negativity in our lives - negativity from our relationships, negativity from our environment, and negativity from within us. Here's how we can deal with them so that they don't affect our happiness.

Negativity From Our Relationships

Have you ever noticed how conversations with some people leave us feeling totally drained and bad about ourselves and our life? There are people who never have anything good to say about us. They can only criticize us whenever we are around them. And there are some who never have anything good to say about their own lives. They are always unhappy about something or always complaining about something. Such people are like energy vampires. They suck all happiness out of us. (Ok, I guess we can call them "dementors" too.)

We must make it a point to spend as little time as possible with them. And whatever time we do spend with them, we must make a habit of disregarding all the negative words they throw at us, so that their negativity doesn't get to us. We must set clear boundaries in our relationships. At the same time, we need to surround ourselves with more positive and upbeat people. Their passion, enthusiasm and energy will keep us mentally and emotionally charged.

Negativity From Our Environment

Once upon a time, more than 15 years ago, there used to just one TV channel, and news was telecast once every morning and night. Now, we have innumerable dedicated news channels, bombarding us with negativity 24 by 7. On top of that, we also have the self-proclaimed jury on social media, ready to give their verdict (mostly negative) on everything under the sun.

The media will constantly tell us that the world is a bad place to live in, that life consists of sufferings, and that we need to meet really high standards to be accepted in the social world, but all that is not true. (Just look back to your life 15 years ago.) We need to limit such toxic media. Instead, we must spend more time doing stuff that makes us feel good and helps us appreciate our life.

Negativity From Within Us

We can cut the negative media from our lives and avoid the negative people, but what about that voice inside our head? Our inner critic. The one whose favorite pastime is to regret our past choices and worry about our future. The one who keeps telling us all the time that we are not good enough. How do we distance ourselves from that voice? Is there a way we can throw it out of our head?

No, there isn't. But we can practice to ignore that voice and make it shut up for at least some time during the day. We need to develop the habit of focusing on our DREAMS instead of our fears. We need to accept ourselves as we are, to shut our inner critic. We must learn to forgive (will be covered under "F"), to let go of the regrets. And we must believe in the best of ourselves and others, to let go of the worry.


If we go to a restaurant and happen to order something new that doesn't quite agree with us, we don't feel obliged to eat it anyway, do we? We just leave it. We need to practice the same approach when we are served any kind of negativity in life. Just disregard it.

What do you do when you encounter toxic people? How do you deal with them? How much time do you give to the media and social media per day? What techniques do you practice to control the negative thoughts in your mind?


This is my fourth post for 2016 AprilAtoZ. (I'm doing it bi-weekly instead of daily, because of health issues, time constraints and internet connectivity woes. So yeah, I'll finish sometime in June!)
Link to the previous post: A to Z of Happiness: C - Calmness.
What is April A to Z?
My kindle eBook on A to Z of Blogging: Take Your Blog To the Next Level.

(Continued below sponsored content)


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18 comments:

Rajlakshmi said...

Very wise words girl. Imagine if everyone practiced this we all would be so happy and calm :) only positivity around :)

A Whimsical Medley
Twinkle Eyed Traveller

Debbie D. said...

I agree! Negativity is completely draining. Once, I had a friend who constantly bombarded me with a litany of complaints about how awful her life was. Worse yet, it was the same harangue, over and over again, to the point where I could recite it by rote. :P After a couple of years, I just couldn't take it anymore and stopped returning her calls.

I think we are all our own worst critics. With age comes acceptance and serenity. ☺

Tracy S said...

I agree that you should limit the negative relationships in your life, but what about infusing positivity into those relationships? You aren't responsible for another person's happiness, but sometimes negativity is more of a habit than a set-in-stone state of mind and you can do much to help a friend see that and turn around some of the negativity.

Tracy (Black Boots, Long Legs)

Shesha Chaturvedi said...

Words of wise aptly described... :)

Elizabeth Hein said...

Negativity is a huge issue. One of my resolutions for 2016 was to eliminate negative people from my life. So far I've broken bonds with two people and am already feeling much happier.
Elizabeth Hein - Scribbling in the Storage Room

Parul said...

Negativity has the power to drain one out completely and that analogy with restaurant is perfect. We need to make the choice of picking and throwing away the negativity out of our lives. There is no point harping on it. Thanks for this important reminder Chicky!

Chicky Kadambari said...

Totally agree, Raji! And life would be so much more peaceful.

Chicky Kadambari said...

You did good, Debbie. It's best to let such people go, unless of course you know that they're only going through a temporary low phase. And I agree, we are our worst critics.

Chicky Kadambari said...

Yes Tracy, we ought to do that, and I think most of us DO try to help first. But some people are just not ready to move out of their misery. They don't want to make any effort to be happy. I think it's best to detach from them.

Chicky Kadambari said...

Thanks Shesha :)

Chicky Kadambari said...

I did that in 2011, Elizabeth, when I moved to Jaipur to get away from my toxic relatives. And I am so much more peaceful now!

Chicky Kadambari said...

Exactly Parul! We need to just filter it out.
You're most welcome, girl! :)

Mera Era said...

Disregarding negativity and letting it enjoy away from us, often needs a lot of self-control and effort. But like you rightly mentioned, it is worth a try for our happiness in the long run :)

@theerailivedin from The Era I Lived In

Chicky Kadambari said...

Definitely worth a try, Mera Era! Thanks! :)

Dahlia said...

It is unfortunately true, some people are like dementors, they suck the happiness, the very energy out of us. As you said, best to keep away from them...

@mysilverstreaks from
Storiesandmore

elenchera said...

I often let negativity get the better of me. It's so hard to shake off.

Chicky Kadambari said...

Yes Dahlia, best to do that! Thank you for dropping by! :)

Chicky Kadambari said...

I know elenchera! It is really difficult, but we must try anyway.

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