Saturday, January 22, 2011

Liberate the Indian Man!

Just read the most outrageous and insane post in all my 4 years of blogging! The post is from a female, and… hold your breath… it talks about liberation FOR Indian MEN!

Yupp! You heard me right! The author says “We’re a sexist nation and have been discriminating against men all these years without even realizing it.” Here’s the full deal… “Article 15(X), Men’s Right to Freedom” (http://21fools.com/index.php/dj-ki-aukat/322-article-15x-mens-right-to-freedom). Please open this post in another tab/window because I will be referring to ALL the paragraphs in it one-by-one.

1. Para 2: (regarding freedom from preset roles and goals…)

And who set those roles and goals into place? Who defined those norms? India has been a male dominated country for ages! Female influence in shaping these laws of the society has been only exceptional, not general! So the law-makers need freedom to change their own laws now?

2. Para 3: (regarding physical abuse???)

Woahhh! And where does the physical abuse come from? Do mothers hit their sons? I don’t think so. I have always seen Indian mothers giving the best piece of cake to sons, the bigger portions of maggi noodles to sons, a higher amount of pocket money to sons, freedom from doing their share of work at home to sons… the list is endless. If the guys take any thrashing, it’s only from their fathers. In other words, the violence too, if any, comes from the male part of our Indian society! And in families where kids are beaten, daughters aren't spared the rod either.

3. Para 4: (regarding dreams, career and responsibility)

As a generalization, the entire paragraph lacks any hint of truth! Sure, there are occasional men here and there who want to pursue a non-standard career, like dancing/singing/any other arts. But, again, the pressure to follow the “beaten path” comes from the Dads. Mothers are usually too soft-hearted for their sons. Also, if you compare statistics, you will find a greater percentage of the Indian FEMALE population that has been forced to sacrifice their dreams and ambitions at the altars of domestic responsibilities!

4. Para 5: (regarding cooking and cleaning)

Hello! Men need to be GIVEN the freedom to do “cooking and cleaning”? Well who is stopping them? Why can’t they fix their own snack in the evening? Why do they ask their mom/wife to make tea for them and give them something to eat? And who’s stopping them from doing their laundry or even cleaning their own room for that matter? Hahhh! The post makes it seem like we bind them in chains or something if they offer to help around the house!

5. Para 6: (regarding men being the perpetual escort, bodyguard, chauffeur or personal guide to all the women in the family)

Well, if the other “men” around the nation stop being the hormone-slaved leeches, then there wouldn’t be any need for “protecting” the women of the family, right? So once again, who is to blame for this “binding” upon Indian men? Correct… Indian men themselves! Nobody can free anyone from self-bondage.

6. Para 7: (regarding responsibility for old parents)

[Bangs head on wall!] And silly me thought that we Indians looked after our aging parents out of love and because we liked their company! But seriously, isn’t this getting already obsolete in today’s times? What percentage of Indian youth is staying abroad today, away from their parents? Forget about abroad; let’s talk about domestic migration only. How many young men and women of the nation have migrated across Indian states for education and career, and are currently NOT staying with their parents? So why do they still need freedom from this responsibility? Aren’t they already free? And the author talks about Indian men considered responsible for their OWN aging parents… what about all those Indian women who are still expected to take leave from work if their parents-in-law drop in for a visit? What a one-sided post!

7. Para 8: (regarding hen-pecked husbands)

LOL! The term was apparently created by a man again! Indian women would simply love to have their partners express care and affection in more tangible ways. If you need proof, go read Shilpa Garg’s blog. You will find numerous posts in which she has explicitly expressed appreciation for such thoughtful gestures from her hubby. And you will also find comments from other females there – NOT derogatory comments (hen-pecked, spineless etc.) but really respectful ones. For those of my male readers who are still living under illusions: A man who is secure enough in his masculinity to give his female partner a shoulder massage after she’s had a tiring day, or one who dares help in the domestic responsibilities, or in child care… he is held in the highest esteem by his partner and her female friends! It’s only his male friends who might call him spineless and hen-pecked!

8. Para 9: (regarding child care and custody)

Once again, who is stopping you from looking after your own kids? Who is forbidding you to change the dirty diapers of your babies? Who denies you the pleasure of waking up early in the morning to get your kids ready for school and pack their lunch boxes? If you must know, my Dad used to make milk for both my sister and me when we went to school. And even today, he’s the one who makes the morning tea in our house. He’s the man of the house, guys… he’s already FREE to do what he wants! He doesn’t need anybody’s permission!

9. Para 10: (‘men’s only’ railway coaches and swimming timings!)

LOL! How many men honestly want this? As I said, the post has been written by a female! But do the guys really want to exist in a world bereft of females to ogle… and do other more obscene acts, such as “accidental” groping etc.?

10. Para 11: (pursue professions like teaching nursery schools!)

ROTFL! In my 33 years of experience, I have come across a very few Indian men who feel comfortable around small kids! Most men in our country are either scared of small kids, or find them irritating/noisy/pain-in-the-ass! Add to it their personal high ambitions! A nursery school teacher isn’t what you’d call a very promising career in our country! Hence, such “menial” jobs are “left” for the Indian females. (Told you this was the most senseless post I’ve ever read in the Blogosphere! I mean what was this female thinking!)

11. Para 12: (‘boys-only’ schools and colleges, male quota!)

Now that was the height of absurdity! Aren’t there enough ‘boys-only’ schools and colleges already? Why need more? In fact, why need even a single ‘boys-only’ or ‘girls-only’ educational institute? God made a co-ed world. So why do we need to go against God’s Nature? And male reservation quota? Which planet did this female drop in from? Do Indian MEN need to be pushed beyond the confines of their houses? Are Indian BOYS being denied equal opportunities for education compared to the Indian girls? Delusional!

The entire post was so senseless and insane, on a genuinely sensitive topic, that it made me dedicate an entire post to it on my blog! As it so happens, I have a very short tolerance level for such narrow-mindedness in the Indian society... both from males and females! There is something called taking responsibility of one’s actions and one’s life. And here, she goes about, portraying the Indian men as “helpless victims” of a major injustice!

Even today, in the Indian corporate world, men get a higher pay package for the same skill set, experience and job responsibilities than women. Even today, in middle class families, daughters are expected to make tea for visitors and not sons (unless there are only sons in the family). Even today, in lower class families with limited income, the sons would be allowed to go for higher education while the daughters relegated to domestic responsibilities and marriage. Even today, in families at/below poverty line, malnutrition is higher in girls/females than boys/males. Even today, the husband of my domestic help gets drunk regularly and beats her and the kids. And she cannot leave because the Indian society (at least that section of the society) still looks down upon such a female.

And she talks about liberation for Indian men! Well, if they really need liberation, then let THEM speak up for it! How many men do you see around you, shouting for women’s liberation? How many Indian men step in if a pervert is ogling at a female in the bus or train? Indian women have been fighting for their “freedom” all by themselves for years now. So if guys want to change things too now, then let them come forward!

What’s wrong in it? Evolution is the most natural phenomenon of Nature. And so is friction associated with any kind of change. We females have been dealing with this friction for years now. And obviously, the men won’t find it all a smooth sailing either! But let THEM stand up for it if they really feel that an injustice is being done to them or that their dreams are being killed. Let THEM take responsibility for their life. Let them come out and INSIST that they want to pack their own lunch for office, or that they want to do the laundry, or that they want to help their kid in his/her homework...

The irony is that in that entire absurd post, the girl completely forgot to mention the most important point of all… the ONE thing for which Indian men DO INDEED need freedom -– freedom to express themselves! We Indians will keep harping along the tunes of “Boys are strong” and “Boys don’t cry”… and, in the process, keep churning out men who are clueless about expressing their emotions correctly and dealing with their insecurities in a proper way.

So if you MUST liberate the Indian men from something, then I only ask you to give them freedom to express themselves… to express their love, their affection, their fear, their weakness, their need… and express all this without the help of an alcohol-induced “high”!

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6 comments:

Vyazz said...

Woah.............thats quite a post!!....frankly I dont even know where to begin!!!!!
First off........yes there are negative stereotypes about men.....especially Indian men....but frankly I believe it all boils down to the upbringing.
This being said, most of my friends have been women. I find it easier to talk to them, and express myself better.
Men on the other hand bore the crap outta me.
Especially Indian men (my best friend as of now is a Sri Lankan guy)
We live in a society where women are seen as items/maal/figure etc...which you have to patao.
And frankly women just re enforce this concept thanks to our senseless movies.
But as a famous Indian saying goes, "taali ek haath se nahi bajti"...
Women lack mutual camaraderie.
I have seen a groups of men hanging about, but never seen groups of women. In my hostel there were at least 50 or so Indian girls. But they would practically hate each other, bitch about all day etc.
If women could support one another (like guys do) it would be beneficial for all women to stand up against any atrocity.
I look up to my mom because of her strength, and courage, and not because of her doling out ladoos for me.
I like strong fearless women.
Women represent strength.
I hate the bimbette "do you like my nailpolish?" sort of women!!
I like women who would give one tight slap to the eve teasing douche rather than run back home and cry into her dupatta.
Society (especially north Indian) seems to be rather primitive in the treatment of women.
Women must rise up to fend themselves and their dignity and refuse to be objectified.
And as far as mothers and sons go,
its the mother who molds her son.
I am what I am because of my mom.
And eve teasers turn out the way they are because of proper parental upbringing!!!

Kaddu said...

Woah to you, dude! I'm so glad you're back to blogging! You're one of the few people whose comments I really missed here!

The funny thing is even I'm not able to relate to females usually. The "do you like my nailpolish" kind! My longest phone/chat conversations have always been with my male friends. And as you said, it all boils down to the upbringing.

In India, strong girls are still not preferred in the family. They disrupt the usual flow of things. Just as soft guys make the rest of the family members uneasy. The end result is a constantly scheming/plotting mind of females (because they can't directly go after what they want) and an over aggressive streak in males (because they've never been taught how to deal constructively with their insecurities).

A mother who doesn't force her son to make his own tea, his own sandwich, his own bed, is not demonstrating her love to him. She's crippling him for the future. And a father who doesn't teach his daughter how to write/deposit a cheque in the bank or book her own railway tickets or commute without a perpetual escort, is paving the way for her falling victim to all sorts of abuses later on in life.

We need to stop treating either gender as victims of injustice now. And we need to start taking control of our own lives and our own society.

ZB said...

Kaddu, perhaps the other post has a point which you missed....Stop looking at things through a prism of stereotypical lower middle class point of view(to add, of late 1980s TV serial types)....

India is moving rapidly and things are changing...The new middle class or uppermiddle class has emerged to unmatched proportions....In a family of 2 working parents with 2 kids, a girl is no different to a boy......and i have seen girls treated much better to boys........be it in schools, at work or society in general......But i do feel, at large this is not the case.

Kaddu said...

Hi ZB... no, I didn't see that point anywhere in that post. That post talked about liberation for Indian men based on completely senseless points. Those views may not be applicable to the "stereotypical lower middle class", but then again, they are not applicable in any class! Nowhere in India have men reached a state where they might have to start campaigns for freedom! Mens-only swimming pools and coaches, male reservation quota, domestic violence... geez!

And I have not said anywhere in my post that things are not changing. But the kind of scenario she has talked about... that's unreal dude. Moreover, the kind of upper middle class you talk about... that would currently include not more than 25-30% India. There's a long long way to go. And if more people start taking such an apathetic view to this, as in that post, then it would be very easy to undo all the good we've seen in the last decade.

My post was about taking responsibility for one's life and one's society, and not starting to believe that we are some helpless victims of an injust society. Like I mentioned in my post, I have equally limited patience with both men and women who don't stand up for themselves. Society hasn't come from an alien planet. It's made of people like you and me. And what people like you and me do, THAT will shape the laws of our society.

My Dad changed a lot of things in my small family, even had to fight with mom many times. But then I had to fight him too for many other things, and my younger sister is fighting both of us, making us change even more. Evolution is a law of nature. But we... each one of us... whether man or woman... has to speak up for ourselves.

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

But we... each one of us... whether man or woman... has to speak up for ourselves. Well said, Chicky.

Chicky a.k.a. Kaddu said...

@ OB: Hey buddy! Thanks for emailing me about the broken link in the post. Will see what happened to it.

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