Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The "Girl on Chat"

Few days ago, I wrote this “hot” post which inspired much discussion and debate here. Different people reacted in different ways. One of my friends shared that post with one of his other friends on chat… some 20-year-old female, who was as unknown to me as I was to her. And then he copy pasted her “feedback” on that post, to me, on chat. Actually, it was not so much a feedback on *that post* as it was a feedback on *me*!

This girl was absolutely amazing! She managed to chalk-out my entire personality structure on the basis of just one-line in that post… “Our men-folks simply can’t stop themselves from ogling at all the wrong parts of the anatomy of a female walking down the road!”

Three very strong *assumptions* about my personality/character she communicated through her comments:

1. What kind of girl I was to think of female body parts as “wrong parts”! I’m sure NONE of my other readers here (except her and my friend who recommended this post to her) had any confusion in interpreting that line the way I meant it … “wrong parts” as in “parts which are wrong to be stared at”! Then how come only these 2 people weren’t able to see what was directly in front of them? Reminds me of my old post here “Illusion”!

2. The above was immediately followed by the assumption that I must be “constantly focusing” on these things only, so that the Law of Attraction is working! Now, I have “preached” N number of times here, about the Law of Attraction, as those of you who have been following this blog for some time now will know. But was it the Law of Attraction that caused a plane to crash somewhere near the Bermuda Triangle recently? All the passengers on that plane were “constantly focusing” on dying in a plane crash, weren’t they! And a 9-year-old boy was sexually abused by some house-maid… he was also apparently “constantly focusing” on getting raped, right? Frankly, how many 9-year-olds even know about sex? (Ok maybe they do in today’s times, but I was thinking of those “good ol’ days” when I was about that age!) We need to understand that there is a considerable amount of difference between “constantly focusing” on something and “acknowledging the existence” of something in the world. Law of Attraction doesn’t ask you to live in a state of denial. (Fantasy world?)

3. Lastly, she was kind enough to sum up the basic problem of my personality – on the basis of that one sentence alone – that it’s got nothing to do with whether I’m beautiful or not… it’s more because of the body language I exude. Can you believe it? She was able to gauge my “body language” too from that one sentence! WOW! And she has no idea about the level of interaction I’ve had with guys, or the fact that I studied in a co-ed school, having more male friends than female (but that was only because girls to boys ratio was like 1:4 in our school)! She has never seen me, doesn’t know what I look like or dress like, has no idea of the kind of shoes I wear, or the way I walk, or talk, or smile, and yet she was able to calculate automatically that there was something wrong with my body language! Oh but she was nice – she said most girls do this unconsciously; they are not aware of it themselves! (Ahhhh! Just the escape route I needed!)

For the past few days, I have been in two minds as to whether to post about this or not, ‘coz I really don’t give that much importance to strangers in circumstances like these. But eventually I figured this happened for a reason… and therefore, I MUST post it.

You see… it’s because of mindsets like these that little kids aren’t able to go and tell their parents about any kind of sexual harassment they might have to face. Some 13-year old girl is out shopping with her folks when a couple of guys on a motorbike pass by her, grabbing at one of her breasts, (deliberately choosing to remain ignorant of the fact that it hurts her as much as it would hurt them if somebody kicked them in the groin!) and she pretends they only got hold of her ‘chunni’ because she doesn’t want to face the harshly judgmental look (screaming disgust, disapproval & disappointment!) on her parents’ faces! Of course, she has to keep the tears in check too (the ‘ganga-jamuna’ originating in her eyes!) in order to play a convincing role, but then she’s probably already become expert at hiding her tears in her 13 years on the planet!

Coming back to this girl on chat… I really DO hope, and pray, for the sake of her kids, that she stops being so judgmental. And any of you parents out there who might be reading this post… please don’t automatically blame your kids if any such thing happens to them. Don’t leave their hand when they need your support the most. Don’t be like this girl on chat…

Thanks.

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47 comments:

Shobhit said...

Hmmm...

That's what I meant in my post for the 'Indian female'. They just don't seem to bother till it actually happens with themselves. And if it does, they just blame it on destiny (and so cleverly hide their tears). >-(

It's a pretty hard life being a female in India in the first place. Surely a bit of empathy for their fellows wouldn't do much harm. But there are still girls out there who back such guys instead of standing up for other girls.

Kaddu said...

Shobhit:
Well destiny obviously is there to some extent... sometimes things happen beyond our control, but surely, our reactions to those events ARE under our control. For instance, we CAN tell our kids that its ok to cry/scream to let out their pain/anger, and we CAN be there to support them and make them feel loved nevertheless!

That is why, it becomes so much more important for females to be compassionate and mature... 'coz they are the ones with whom kids spend most of their time in the family!

navadeep said...

good that u finally decided to write about it.... i hope she gets to read it and understands the (hidden) meaning of your post...(if you know what i mean :))....these kinds must be taken through sessions of counselling of some kind...you keep your cool girl....

Kaddu said...

navadeep:
:) I hope so too...

Rashmi said...

Huh! are you sure that 20 year old is really a girl(no offence intended just curious)....
I second Navadeep here. I am with you kaddu :)

As the Mind Meanders said...

Please can you get her to do my personality assessment too... please... please... I can write two words for her... if she wants... but not on you blog...

Lazy Pineapple said...

hey Kaddu,

I guess the girl on chat is quite naive about the ways of the world. I think you should not pay any heed to such people. After all its your blog and your posts. Critics and opioniated people are plenty in the world and all they can do is sit and just be judgemental.

Mukund said...

Well this is something which actually makes me angry at times... I can write a post right here but it will not be of much use now... Since you have been following me and have read some of my posts you must be knowing how I feel about place of females in our society and the mindset of people...
People being judgemental well who cares about them... This is the only way you can avoid them... I am what I am and if people who don't know me don't agree with me and have a problem with me then its really not my problem, its theirs... These people are like laton ke bhoot jo baton se nahin mante...

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

The trick, for a commenter here, is to suitably blast this girl without sounding as summarily dismissive and hopelessly judgmental as she does! :D

I wonder how to do it. Bashing of the Idiot-of-the-day is usually done best over the dinner table.

Hopeless Romantic said...

hahah..typical girls making assupmtion abt ppl...nthing new in it

G:B - 1:4...damn why didnt i studied in ur school :)

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

Aise logon ka kuch nahi ho sakta... :(

May God forgive them for they don't know what they do or say...

preposterous girl said...

Its nice that u've written down here.I hope she reads it and understand the difference betwwen wrong parts and wrong to stare at some parts..
I dnt want to be judgemental on the concerned lady here..But it can be either she is one of the kinds u and Shobhit discussed or some of the lot known as "Pseudo-intellectuals".. (I'm not at all advocating that I'm intelectual lol :P )

BTW please clarify me one thing..Ur friend also of the opinion of the "chat girl"?? I was unable to grasp this from the post.. lesser mortal u see :(

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

wow

a very good post..and I just find it funny how people come to conclusion abt others so easy.....
but I m very happy u posted it...

last week ..I was reading an article abt child abuse and roadside sexual harassment...nd was really in tears thinking of the impact on the victim's persona....

and it is indeed shameful...and more shameful of parents...coz if they are not there for their kids...whom the kid is gonna cry for help...
bravo....


but I do agree with one point
how can u say that
"Parts which are wrong to be stared at”!
I disagreee :P
just kidding

but a brave post :)

Kaddu said...

Rashmi:
Well, from her feedback on me, it did look like maybe she hasn't seen much of the real world yet, but again... it would be 'throwing an arrow in the dark', since I know nothing abt her as a person. So I'd rather not comment... maybe she was just in a bad mood 'coz of something else... :-/

Kaddu said...

ATMM:
LOL! Thanks! Besides, my blog is not 'A' rated... & I prefer to keep it that way! ;)

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

A word, if you please, in the GoC's defense here:
This conversation was meant to be a private one, between herself and her friend, the guy who leaked the story to Kaddu. Don't we all do the same thing, sometimes? We are ALL armchair psycho-analysts and people watchers. Specially in private, we say many things which for reasons obvious enough we wouldn't voice outside, aloud in front of 'other people'.

I get it. The point is not whether she said these things to Kaddu's face or behind her back, the point is that a person has such strong opinions in the first place, with nothing to base them on!

Fair enough. But somewhere, I feel the guy who did the idhar ki udhar is also a bit to blame. What did he hope to achieve, apart from provoking Kaddu, by telling her all this? If these opinions are REALLY worth nothing, why bother Kaddu? Sure, I don't know the full circumstances under which the fellow confided in Kaddu, but past experience tells me that its best to keep mum when one friend bitches randomly about another friend. Conversations are sacred.

Kaddu said...

Pineapple:
All I hope is that the message is conveyed to parents who might be doing this with their kids too, without being aware of it.

Kaddu said...

Mukund:
Mindset of Indian females definitely needs to change... only then can they make a plc for themselves in a male dominated society. But if they are the ones who are going to be so quick in putting down females, then "bhagvan bhala kare...!"

Kaddu said...

Abhiroop:
So we meet up for dinner then? ;)

Kaddu said...

HR:
Arre but girls were few, means tougher competition for guys... u sure u wish to hv studied in my school? :-/

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Amen! :p

Kaddu said...

PG:
My "friend" did get confused about that term same way as she did... but I think (or hope, I shud say!) he doesn't hold the same opinion of me as her, considering the fact that I hv stayed in his house for 2-3 days and he knows a lot abt me!

Kaddu said...

DayDreamer:
Of course, tumko to sabhi parts stare karne ki poori freedom chahiye na! :p

Kaddu said...

Abhiroop again:
He passed on her feedback to me with her permission.

And I totally agree with the "provoking Kaddu" part... 'coz he absolutely refused to pass on my "feedback" to her after I had recd her comments! And I even confronted him abt it... as to whether he deliberately wanted to spoil my mood by passing negative baseless crap to me, but didn't want to do the same to her! Even asked her why did he encourage such comments abt me from that female in the first plc, 'coz he knows what kinda girl I am and what kinda stuff I've been thru in life!

But anyways, at the end of the day, it just made me reassess the kind of people I wanted to call my friends... so... lesson learnt, and moved on! :)

Kaddu said...

Typo:
"Even asked *him* why did he encourage..."

Hopeless Romantic said...

@Kaddu

ru trying to challenge The ever internal Hopeless romantic :P

Do it at ur own risk :)

Cheers,
Amit

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

The learning process never ends, does it? :)

bondgal_rulz said...

Talk about being judgemental!!!

And there!! you have nailed the problem (child sexual abuse) on its head - People in India are wayyyy too JUDGEMENTAL for their own good!!

Cheers

P.S. Came over from Amit aka Hopeless Romantic's blog. And just to clear out confusion bondgal_rulz = Isha. :)

Kaddu said...

HR:
So then, what are u? The Casanova?

Kaddu said...

Abhiroop:
Naah! Never! :D

Kaddu said...

bondgal_rulz:
Thanks for the visit Isha! Yeah, I have been following the discussion between you and Amit... pretty informative, I must say. :)

Amit Gupta said...

LOl, casanova is like a big term :D

I am just a simple guy who has probably learned a bit to strike the right chords with the opposite sex (have i? :D)

Peace
HR

Kaddu said...

HR:
Ahhh! Somebody is being so modest all of a sudden! ;) He he

Anonymous said...

Kaddu, I think you can simply dismiss the commentsof someone like GoC with a contemptuous flick of your fingers.

I second HR :) I belong to the same category as you, man!

Guest 15

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

wo toh freedom ho ya na ho ..wo main kar hi loonga :P

me so shmart B-)

silentlyexpress said...

a)the girl did make pretty strong comments without even knowing you
b)the guy who sent it to you has breached trust too

nice post :)

ZB said...

Niceeee. but was wondering, whats laws of attraction?is it similar to Newtons laws? no, not again, cant go back to schools again, too old for that.

BTW,Liked this blog and the style of blogging...Keep churning, will come back for more.:))

Kaddu said...

Guest 15:
Oh my! Another 'Casanova'!
;)

Kaddu said...

DayDreamer:
u so dead ;)

Kaddu said...

silentlyexpress
Welcome to my blog pal, this is the first time, isn't it?
The guy sent those comments to me with her permission though. Neverthesless, as Abhiroop pointed out, there really was no need for him to do so.
Thanks was appreciating the post btw... I hope u'll keep visiting :D

Kaddu said...

ZiLliOnBiG:
Thanks for the visit and the appreciation dude! I checked out ur blog too... lol! We have same template! :)
Your posts were brilliant btw, I read all of them in the first page... left only 1 comment though :p

navadeep said...

hey kaddu....no posts lately?? dont keep your fans waiting so long.... :(

Kaddu said...

navadeep:
Heyyyyy! That's sweet of u... to miss me here! :)

It's just that I have a BIG exam next month, and unlike my PGDBA papers (which were a piece-of-cake), this one is a monster of an exam, that demands a lot of time in preparation! So I decided to cut down a bit on my own blogging, so that it leaves me enough time to reply to comments here, as well as post comments on other blogs that I read. :p

Will stick to 2 posts a week for some time now... one on Wednesday night (Indian time) and one on Sunday night.

Btw, how come u don't hv a blog of ur own? In fact, I noticed, even ur blogger profile is not visible! Don't u write too... maybe on wordpress or somewhere else? Do give ur link here if u do... it will feel good to be able to reciprocate to ur nice comments! :)

navadeep said...

ok...then i guess i will have to wait till wednesday night... :( but no problem...you take your own sweet time n prepare for the exam well...i know you will do good...even more than that... n no i do not blog...i just read...started with my classmate mukund's n now m more into urs than his...hehehe... :) best of luck to u...will look ahead to c u on wednesday...

Kaddu said...

navadeep:
Actually, I was supposed to post something on the last Sunday night too, but something came up, so couldn't. Let's see if I can make it by Wednesday night now!

Mukund:
Don't beat me... please! Maine kuch nahin kiya... ye khud hi chala aaya! :(
:p

Everybody:
A little busy... will try to post something new soon, but until then, kindly bear with the "sannata" here! Play some games! Or chk out some of my older posts! Be happy... miss meeeeee! :p

Durga Nandan said...

Sometimes, people are so narrow minded and inexperienced that they end up deciding things with the little world they see. Like the frog in a well.

Was bloghopping. Liked the blog. and Felt I should comment on this one, as numerous times I have encountered such judgmental people in life. It is a pity they have not broadened their vision after so many years of life...

Cheerz!
Durga Nandan

Kaddu said...

Durga:
They need wide angle lenses! :p ;)

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