Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Love is Not A Perfectionist!

Was having a “walk-the-talk” session earlier today, with a girl in my building, and the discussion eventually led to “men” and “relationships”! She told me about this college classmate of hers… some Muslim guy from Patna, who was involved with a Hindu girl from out-of-Patna, who stayed here in a hostel close to his place. Obviously, the girl’s parents had launched a “groom hunt” for her on full scale “back home”! Eventually it seemed as if they were about to zero-in on somebody, and so she completely freaked out!

This Muslim guy she was involved with showed such strength of character! They both knew their parents would never accept an inter-religion marriage. So he told his parents he was going to Delhi for a week to find out about some coaching (as they were still in college)… went to Delhi and got himself a job in a BPO instead! Then he came back to Patna, and with a lot of help from their friends, they got married in the registrar’s office!

Their friends collected some money between themselves & gave it to them as their wedding gift! And with that little bit of money, and nothing else, they ran off to Delhi, took up a one room place there on rent, worked their asses off (the girl also got through in a BPO) and last they were heard of in India, they were making over 1 lakh a month between the 2 of them… and today, they are nicely settled in Africa somewhere!

---

I can’t stop myself from comparing their love story with some others, which did not end on such a happy note… guys who didn’t have the guts to stand up against their parents’ emotional blackmails… guys who gave up on their love just because they were not settled in their career at that point of time!

So what’s the difference between these two kinds of guys? Nothing much on the surface level. They’re both equally intelligent, more-or-less equally educated, come from a similar kind of family background too. The difference is only in the choices they make. One gives up on it, the other gives it all he has!

This Muslim guy was able to carry it through, because he believed "We can make a beautiful life together". The other men are not able to take such a decisive step because they think “I might not be able to give her the beautiful life she deserves.” The difference is in the “I” and the “WE”. If you work as a team, there is nothing you can’t achieve. If you work alone, life itself seems a burden!

Love doesn’t mean bringing down the stars and the moon for the girl you love... love means inspiring the girl to reach for the stars and the moon on her own. Love isn’t about “things”… love is about “togetherness”. Love isn’t a destination… it is an ongoing journey.


See this picture above? Some of the most pleasurable moments of our lives are so simple and inexpensive! I don’t love my Dad for the things he gave me… I love him for the time he spent with me – helping me in my Maths homework, playing badminton with me, listening to all my tales from the school!

Some 30 years ago, my father left Patna with a little less than Rs. 200 in his pockets. He took loan from my nanaji in Kanpur (at the prevalent market rates!), setup a small-scale industry, worked his arse off without even a personal vehicle of his own, and after a couple of months, fetched mom & me from Patna to join him there. (Yes, we already existed in his life that time, and no, my sister wasn't born yet!) The only saving grace you can say was that he had free accommodation. We all stayed with nanaji. But within a year, he had cleared the loan, saved some too, and moved out on his own on rent.

Some of my growing-up memories include the time when we bought our first second-hand car (which was a total disaster by the way… it always broke-down at this particular place in the city… and we used to find that absolutely HILARIOUS!) and then how we came to know that Maruti 800 was in for a major price hike, so my Dad immediately pulled out all his savings, and went to Lucknow (‘coz the bookings were already closed in Kanpur) and came back with this emerald colored shiny new car for 70 grand! (It was the 2nd model of Maruti 800 btw, and yes, 70 grand meant all our savings back then!) Then I remember when we got our first black-&-white TV, and then a few years later, a colored Onida. Then a VCR… and eventually a Samurai video game too! So many other things followed. Even added a room to the original 1BHK place we were staying in (with permission from the landlord of course)!

We grew up – together - as a family. We watched each other grow – the people in the house, as well as the things in the house! We were there to applaud my Dad for his achievements; we were there to rejoice in his victories with him. It felt so special! (It was probably like the way you guys feel now, being a part of this constantly evolving blog!) What I’m trying to say in short is that you don’t need to be perfect for being loved. And that you don’t need to wait for your life to become perfect before you start sharing it with your loved ones.

My Dad was able to leave everything behind in Patna and start from scratch, not because he had faith in himself, but because Mom had faith in him. Sometimes we need to step beyond our own self-limiting doubts and believe those who love us… who believe in us! Because love is not about being perfect… love is about being the best we can be! Love is about growing together, and about caring and sharing… the good times as well as the bad ones! Love is so simple… why do we need to make it so complicated?

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40 comments:

Shobhit said...

Yes. We tend to make love so complicated. Only because we try to intermix two relationships with each other. The love for the beloved on one hand with that for our parents and family on the other.

And yes, sometimes our parents/family do have some absolutely weird reasons when they disapprove of our love life. Ok. When we were kids, we too had some really unreasonable demands which made us crib and cry. Didn’t we do that to emotionally blackmail our parents ? But in the end they would always manage to talk us out of those leaving us a bit more sensible. Now, it’s the same old story just the other way round. The cribbing, crying and emotional blackmail for totally unreasonable demands coming from our parents. So isn’t it our job to talk them out of it sensibly rather than giving in ? Imagine if our parents gave in to all those weird demands when we were kids….

When I was at my wits end trying to put some sense into the heads of one of my nearest who was in such a dilemma, he came up with the age-old reply which was… “If we have to live in the society, we have to follow the rules”. In other words, our parents/family disapproves of our choice of a partner not for any personal reason. But because they are bound to do so due of the pressure of the society. I wish I could have told him about the above case of the couple settled in Africa back then. But I still doubt if it would have really worked….

I don’t really know if people get the real happiness of life in pleasing the societies they live in. Maybe they do. But, as for me, I have different choices.

Rashmi said...

BangOn dear, couldn't agree more, enjoyed it thoroughly.....Love is what you think it is, and when you can't think, love makes you even go there and explore.....wow what a thought lol I am good ya ;)

Sumit said...

I agree! The thought about not plucking the stars for the girl one loves,but instead, inspiring her to pluck them on her own in awesome!:)

As the Mind Meanders said...

Thanks Kaddu... a really nice post... and it all made so much sense... I think sometimes we reflect our insecurities on someone else... and we don't even ask... we assume... that the other person will share our opinions.. and so often that just kills it...

And you know what... you might have just helped me out to make up my mind about something... Thank you again...

BTW are the egg-jams over...

Lazy Pineapple said...

hey Kaddu,
Really touching post and how true...love is all about the best we can be....Ive seen the same things happen in my life. The belief and growing up together makes all the difference

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

sweet thoughts and more sweeter was the dedication towards father's struggle....that was way more commendable...I also love my father like anything of course a lil less than mom who is more sweetheart than him but of course he falls on that category for whom I can lay down my life without even blinking my eyes

Vishal said...

hyeeee kaddu what to say.....
both stories are nice & reached its destination...hurrayy.....

2nd part of the story makes me think of our old days ha.....
like maruti 800, we had a Maruti Van, Optonica color TV,and a National VCR hehehe.....

feel better to remember these all things of past life.......

keep writing....

Hyee kaddu I hav changed my domain name which is www.seeumee.com
now wat do u think abt this domain.....
accha hai na......

then seeumee over there......

Dhiman said...

Kaddu actually you are confusing me you say Nobody is perfect so Love Nobody or do you mean love somebody who's nobody ....yeh kaisa bhool bhuliya hai...

Kaddu said...

Shobhit:

Yeah, we tend to get so busy living for others that we forget the reason for our existence! LOL!

Rashmi:

You are the best! :D

Sumit:

Thanks! It was an original, feel free to quote me on it if u like! ;)

Blog Gore:

So the Meandering Mind finally took a decisive turn! ;) I'm glad I could be of service! And yeah... egg-jams over! Finally! Yippeeeee! :D

Aquarius:

Ah ha! This post must have touched you real deep to have squeezed a comment out of u! :p
He he! You are one of my silent readers aren't u! Just like to listen to me blabbering away in peace! :D

DayDreamer:

Mama's boy then, aren't you? ;-)

Vishal:

Yeah National VCR was the one we had I think. Not sure about it though. Long time back u know! :p Why did u change your domain name though? Now any link-backs to any of ur old posts won't work! :-/

Dhiman:

You know what! Now I'm also stuck in your bhool-bhulaiya! I'll have to go and read the post again to figure out your comment! Hmmmppphhhh!

Vishal said...

Chances are more....that was definately a National VCR.....girls are week in knowing brands....right na...?...just kidding.....
Those who born between the year 1980-85 knows these things better....right...?...

Kaddu my privious domain is also working.....I trancefered ol d data of my privious domain to my new domain....that work took 1 & 1/5 days of mine....but when finally I got my new domain with all my previous data working, I feel relaxed....
howz d dom......seeumee

colors said...

Hi Kads

Both the parts of this post are fabulous in their own sense and truly bring out the idea that one doesn't need to be perfect for being loved rather true love helps you in striving ahead.
Lovely Post

preposterous girl said...

Hey Kaddu..
Beautiful post yaar..u in some way echoed me..my story is also somwhr on the same lines.Though I'm not sure I would have penned it so beautifully as u've done..Really it touched my heart..Thanx.. :)

navadeep said...

wow....wat a beautiful post dat is....seriously u have touched my heart....making d gal reach d stars was d best...one of d best ones u have written i guess...

Kaddu said...

Vishal:

Generalizations! LOL! I am not so observant when it comes to brands, that doesn't mean all girls are nuts! :D

colors:

Yessss! Well said! Like they say -- when you really fall in love, you don't fall; you *rise* in love! :-D

PG:

:-) [Hugs]

Navadeep:

Thanks! Well there was also the one about "Dogs being color blind, which doesn't mean that the rainbow is not beautiful". You might have missed that post 'coz u are new on my blog. Just search for "Fat Monsters" in the search box above. :-)

Kokonad said...

Very beautifully written post, Kadambari ji! I loved your insight in this matter.
But I didn't agree with one thing ji... "guys who didn’t have the guts to stand up against their parents’ emotional blackmails"
You know, I know of two cases - one where the couple was going around for 11 years, and another for 5. In both cases, the parents didn't agree to the marriage. Now they were in thrown in a dilemma, and ultimately decided that they are not going to get married unless they receive full blessings from their parents... I don't think it was cowardice. I felt (and still feel) really bad for them that they had to make such a decision out of respect for their parents... it's not always an issue of guts. I also happen to know of cases where the guy or girl leaves the relationship giving some excuse - so what you say is right! Except that it's not generally true - so I feel.
I loved the story of your family - it's such a nice, feel good story! Love is indeed made very complicated! Personally, I think that once 'expectations' overtake 'faith and trust', things are always rocky. :)
Blogrolled you!

Kaddu said...

Koke:
Thanks for your appreciation 'Kokonad ji'! Ha ha! =))

Yeah, if the 2 parted their ways with mutual consent, then it's ok. It's just mutual understanding between them, I guess. But that happens very rarely.

Most of the times it is ONE of the 2 backing out, and the other left with no choice but to accept the decision that the first one has taken for BOTH their lives, whether he/she likes it or not.

Completely agree with the expectations bit!

sonu anand said...

Was a happy reading experience.

Kaddu said...

Sonu:
Glad u enjoyed it! :-)

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

A beautifully written post... justifies the meaning of your name... :)

You know it is not always 'guts' or the lack of it. Several times... folks just pretend to fall in love... just for TP...

Many people get married for 'dowry'... and so on...

'Love' is priceless... but few understand this...

btw... I have provided the links to the stories you asked for... in response to your comment... on my blog.

Check it out...

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Thanks yaar... for these nice words and the links! The stories were a good read, especially the Gift of the Magi!

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

:)

Am trying to find links to the other stories as well...

Will share them with you once I get them...

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Hey that will be just great! That's one book even I wish that I had not given away! :(

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

Hmmm. And to think I did not even give mine away.... :(

I have provided the link to Ruskin Bond's "The Eyes Have It" in my latest post...

Check it out...

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Yeah I scrolled thru ur post in my Google Reader. Saw that u hv mentioned abt a lot of old stories...
It was a long post, so I decided I'll chk it out... and the links... when I hv a longer stretch of free time :D

Abhiroop Banerjee said...

loved the post, kads. just read it for the fourth time.

ultimately, it boils down to two things:
1. choosing the right person to love
2. not becoming bitter if we make a mistake in executing point 1.

there will always be countless arguments about how this guy was a spineless wuss who couldn't stand up for his love, or how that girl was a materialistic ingrate who dumped a guy because he was poor. the trick is, to not let all that crap turn us into cynical pessimists. Tons of absolutely awesome people around. with any luck, some of them may even be single!

Kaddu said...

Abhiroop:
Yes, because we all do the best that we can at any given moment, based on our level of maturity at that point. Sometimes, certain things happen in our lives just to teach us a better way of handling some situation. We should always keep in mind that at the end of the day, whatever happens is for the best. And yes, go with the flow... :)
As for the tons of amazing people around, I still need to find one such single over 32! :(

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

My Fair Lady! My post isn't long... its just an 'illusion' caused by the template... perhaps! :)

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Some thing has come up... but will soon check out your posts (there are now 3, as my google Reader tells me!) :p

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

"Some thing has come up".... ummm... are you sure, its "some thing"... ?!!

I guess... you have gone back to your search for you know what... ;) So much so... you have not been 'flooding' the blogosphere for nearly a week now... !!! :-O

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Finally read your posts, as well as all the pending items in my Google Reader! Phewwww! Got the link to another one of my favorite short-stories back in school! Thanks sweetheart! [hugs]

And no... I wasn't back to "my search for you-know-what" (this sounds as if we are talking about Voldemort... or trying not to talk about Voldemort!)... I was just busy with studies and a whole lot of piled up errands which I couldn't take care of while my PGDBA exams were going on! I know you won't believe it though! Sighhhhh! Truth is always so much less exciting than fiction! :(

Anyways, have added another game for u guys... chk it out...

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

Excuses! Excuses! (Wink) (Wink)

... But, you have missed out on my "Recession Humour"... !!!

btw... I noticed that your traffic rank has gone up and so has your blogged rating :)

This calls for a celebration... what?!!

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
All celebrations postponed till I clear the SCJP! :p
Btw, the rank will probably go down a bit now... coz I'm not going to post that frequently for the next 3 weeks or so.

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

Ohhh!

Then we should brace ourselves for the following: flood, hurricane and cyclone... hitting the 'blogosphere' in 3 weeks time... !!! ;)

Kaddu said...

:p He he! Maybe... let's see...

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

Keeping my fingers crossed! ;)


P.S. You have received an award. Check out my latest post, to know more about it... :)

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Oh... I'm not going to do the entire a-z for that award AGAIN! Have already done it! :p But thanks for giving it to me again!

Yeah, went thru that post in my GReader... saw that you have even added ur false Pufip rating! [wink wink]

Roshmi (Musings of an Unknown Indian) said...

;)

"Achievements" should always be "shared" with others... you see!

... And no you needn't do the "award ceremony" all over again... this award is "exclusively" for you...!!!

Kaddu said...

Roshmi:
Oh thank goodness for that!
Hope u keep achieving more milestones and keep sharing them with us! :D

Mahesh Nayak said...

My dear baby, a beautiful post on love. I thought of commenting on it but what more can I comment on it - you've said it all ! Very good post.

Kaddu said...

Mahesh:
Thank you sweetheart! :"> :p

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