Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Failure is Never Final...

... unless YOU make it so!

I read this post on Spirals a few days ago (http://kaddu.blogspot.com/2009/05/fail.html)... which provided the "missing link" for some incompletely formed thoughts in my mind, for a new post! But before you read further, I'll request you all to read her post first... & also the comments that follow her post.

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A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting some relatives here, and my 2.5 year old nephew (Yuvraj) also happened to be there at that time (with his parents of course). I have mentioned about his "Independence Streak" elsewhere in my blog - which, by the way, is exactly like mine! Now UV loves playing with water, so my sister-in-law usually carries some spare clothes for him wherever she goes. That day also, UV managed to sneak into the bathroom when nobody was watching & got himself thoroughly wet! He obviously needed a change of clothes after that, but, being the "Do-It-Myself" kind of fellow that he is, he simply wouldn't let anyone help him change... even though he was finding it really difficult to pull his shorts up, 'coz the elastic waistband had got all rolled-up & twisted behind his knees in a funny way!

My cousin (his dad) is not a very patient man. Besides, it was also getting late & he wanted to leave for home. So, in order to speed things up a bit, he tried to 'cheat', and pulled the shorts up over UV's bums when he thought the kid wasn't paying attention! But UV is just too smart for his age (for our age too in fact!)... & he noticed! And he interpreted it as a *major* personal failure. He actually started slapping himself hard on his face with both his chubby hands! (Self-inflicted punishment, you know!) My sister-in-law, thankfully, has more presence of mind than my cousin... and she immediately pulled his shorts down again & told him to give it another try, saying it wasn't a big deal!

He took another go at it & managed to pull up his shorts all by himself this time. AND he was also planted with the seeds of the idea that "it is ok to fail before you finally succeed"!

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When suicide cases happen around us, we usually find it very easy to immediately put the blame on the parents and the society at large. Not once do we stop to think that the ‘victim’ might actually be the one to blame for his/her own misery!

Repeating an often repeated cliché:
"Our external world is nothing but a reflection of our inner world!"

All of us face the same pressure from the family & society. There’s equal amount of competition for all of us. And yet, not everybody decides to end his life, does he?

I have been through that “temporary moment of insanity” 3 years ago. (It’s not really a single moment by the way – it’s more like a gradual buildup of despair & self-hatred!) The only reason why I didn’t give in to the temptation that day was that if I killed myself, I would make my failure FINAL! If I ended my story that moment, there was no way I would ever be able to re-write the ‘book of my life’! I would always be remembered as the ‘girl who failed’!

My parents never really pressurized me for studies and stuff. Besides, I come from a family where females are only supposed to get married & produce babies! 7 years ago, when I decided to change this tradition, I had to face a lot of pressure! But that’s all in the past now. The point is that change doesn’t happen on its own. Our parents did the best according to what they had learnt till then. But this learning process never stops. “Change” has to be consciously brought about in the world around us… & that includes our parents & our families! We have to stand up for what we believe in… & most importantly, we have to believe in ourselves first!

While my parents never made a big fuss over my marks or getting a job, they nevertheless have been hard task-masters. But then, it again boils down to “perspective”, right? I can look at their criticism as an excuse to self-victimize myself, or I can look at it as a way to improve myself. If the little birdies are not pushed off the nest by their parents, they might never learn to fly!

Suicide Pic: Girl hangs herselfCommitting suicide, however, is an act of cowardice and escapism! There is NO courage required to jump off a running train or a high-rise building... leaving all your woes behind for “heart-broken” and grieved family-members, who keep blaming themselves for the rest of their lives, that perhaps they did something wrong in the way they brought you up! I speak from personal experience. It took me more courage NOT to give in to the ‘momentary insanity’ that day… AND to accept the personal challenge that I would make amends for whatever damages I had done!

I completely agree with what Mukund said in his comment there… “There is no problem without a solution and if you are not able to find the solution may be you are just not looking in the right direction for it.” Failures are life’s way of letting us know we need to change our strategy regarding something. And yes Varun, “the only people who can dare such an act” REALLY are the ones “who only bother about their own self and not others”! As Vatsap said in his blog once long ago – “There are millions of men, and women on this planet. Then why is my image so important to me?”

It is so, because the ‘I’ feels ‘disconnected’ from the collective consciousness. A wave somehow gets separated from the ocean & thinks she’s on her own now! But, it’s just the perspective of that particular wave, you know, ‘coz the ocean is more than willing to have her back within him! As Vyazz says in the comments there – “We (I) can end up deceiving our (my) own self thinking that we’re (I'm) letting people down, whereas in reality we are (I am) not!”

In metaphysical terms, a suicidal person has a very weak Root Chakra. Root Chakra, as the name suggests, keeps us rooted to this planet. It creates a feeling of belonging, being a part of some larger community. It instills a feeling of security that all our needs will be taken care of by the Universe. As my symbolic thought process visualizes it – Root Chakra represents the cord that keeps a space-traveler connected to the ‘mother’ space-ship at all times, while he explores the vastness of the space around him.

With a weak Root Chakra, we feel ‘lost in the emptiness of space’! We feel unprotected, out of place & un-worthy. We feel isolated and fail to connect with the people around us. We are overtly suspicious and extremely self-conscious. We feel unwelcome & unwanted... and, as Pushkaraj has mentioned – we “keep turning inwards and further inwards till the point of no return.” It is completely up to the rest of us, to recognize such abnormally introverted signs in the people around us, and make them feel appreciated and needed.

And for anybody out there reading this post, who might be contemplating on killing him/herself… remember - "Most of us are angels with one wing broken, but we can STILL learn to fly by embracing each other!" Just work on strengthening your Root Chakra… and your life will fall back into place. Some simple ways of strengthening your Root Chakra:

1. Our very own “Munna Bhai’s” special… “Jaadu Ki Jhappi”!
2. Dancing
3. Walking, preferably barefoot!
4. Gardening… or just playing with soil if possible!

And yes, if you ever need an angel with a broken wing to embrace, contact me! ;-) :-p

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36 comments:

Mahesh Nayak said...

Excellent post dude.

Nikita said...

there are many things that are striking me at this moment, but i'll stick to a couple since my mind is full already.

1. i cannot put in words how much i commend ur admission of 'a dark day' which could've turned very unfortunate. unlike wat ppl think and thus tend to dismiss, it isnt simply a thought. and it duznt juz go away like that. it takes more strength than one can imagine to not act on the impulse and decide to value life instead. so for that, you get a huge hug :)

2. not talking in terms of the root chakra precisely, but since the suggestions given in the end seem commonplace enuff, juz a quick suggestion of sorts. the trick is to involve yourself in an activity that u feel connected to. logically challenge ur idle thoughts, which tend to be extremely pessimistic in such a case, with logic. for instance, thinking logically, is it really possible that no one at all in this world loves you and that if you were to trust them once and share your pain, would they not try to do all they can to help? so bank on the social investments you've made all your life

as regards activities, juz do wat u feel makes you feel connected and content. it wont b easy. u'll be agitated and restless. u might feel u're not really enjoying it. but try to do it for sometime, preferably not alone but in a group so that u hear chitter chatter around u that does not allow ur mind to wander.

there's a lot else that i can say abt this, but i guess i cd reserve that for an actual post. as i said, i really do hav a lot on the mind! :)

As the Mind Meanders said...

Kaddu,

I think we all have our own "self-destruct" button... some drink to death... others worry... some smoke... others play sports... some climb mountains... other go to war... Most worry... a few find the button and just press it... we call it suicide... some call it fate... others call it karma...

colors said...

Hi
This write up is enough to glue me to your blog for years. Kuddos to your outlook and courage. You are an angel with broken wing but not with broken spirit.

Vishal said...

That's right.....
heyyyy kaddu don't u read the post "This too will pass ..". from Tikuli.....
We should stand firmly whenever we found ourselves in a such kind of problems.....

Link to Tikuli's post - http://tinyurl.com/odngj9

Rashmi said...

I really enjoyed reading this post, amazingly put, thoroughly cherished it.
Btw i've added you to my blog roll just wanted to inform and ask if that's ok with you.
Happie writing
Cheers!

Rashmi said...

And just wanted to ask, that signature of your's kaddu at the end, how did you do it as in how is one supposed to get it attached below the post, i am trying but couldn't able to figure it out, would be thankful if you'll help me with it.
Thanks again.

Kaddu said...

Mahesh:
Wow! You are the first one to comment on this one! Amazing! Got ur mail btw... will reply tmrw though... :p

Kaddu said...

Nikita:
Hey in fact, I was actually hoping u'd blog on this topic... from a psychologist's point of view u know... like I hv given the metaphysical aspect of it.

And yeah... that's one of the reasons I blog... this blog is like my baby... I can quit on everything else, but somehow, I'm never able to keep myself away from 'my baby' for long!

Another gud suggestion, which worked really well for me, is spending time with babies (if possible). Babies always manage to renew your shaken trust in urself by their own innocent faith in you.

And yeah, I'm not ashamed of admitting it! In fact, it's high time people started viewing clinical depression as just another disease (like the common cold maybe!)... & not something to hide in their closet! Once you accept something, it becomes easier to deal with it, right?

Waiting for ur post on this one btw... n yeah keep sending in the 'hugs'... can never really get enough of them, right? :p :)

Kaddu said...

BlogGore:
Ha ha ha! Great summary! You've said it all buddy... & in so few words too! :-D

Kaddu said...

colors:
Hey that phrase was awesome yaar... "angel with broken wing but not with broken spirit"! Wow! I kinda like that! Good good! :-p
LOL! This post is 'fevicol' u mean? ;-)

Kaddu said...

Vishal:
Haven't read her post yet... will chk it out for sure! And yes, "this too shall pass" was one of the first pieces of 'gyaan' that my Reiki teacher (now friend) Shreesh gave me 3 years ago... along with "So What?"... and these 2 phrases have become the motto of my life since then! :-D

Kaddu said...

Rashmi:
Hey nice to c u on my blog girl! And naah, I don't mind it at all! In fact, I'm really honored you appreciate my writing so much! Thanks! :-) Let me just finish with the replies to the comments here & then I'll take a look at ur blog.

As for the signature... ha ha, I learnt it only few days ago too, thanks to another blogger friend here! Guess it's my turn to return to the Universe now! :p

Well, you just go to mylivesignature.com, follow the wizard & create your signature (they have lotsa font styles etc u know)... & in the end they'll gv u a code which u need to 'copy'. Then open ur blog "Settings" -> "Formatting" Tab -> and 'paste' the code in the "post template" section.

If u get stuck anywhr, just drop me a mail... my id is on my profile.

Mukund said...

Hey kaddu...
I am a big fan of movies and I have a bad habbit of remebering things that I hear or read which I feel are worth remembering... heres a dialogue from Batman Begins...
Bruce Wayne (batman) falls into a ditch when he is a kid his father picks him up and asks...
"Why do we fall bruce?" and then he himself answers "So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."
Just came to my mind when I read your post...
I would add working out on that list of yours, its my stress buster, keeps you busy, fit and you are ultimately too tired to think about such things (it helped me a lot during my broken wing period)...

Tangerine said...

hee hee hee... great post! enjoyed it.

Shreesh said...

WHO that is world health org doctors have found out that a specail boichemical state of 5H chemical brain hormones disturbance makes a person attempt sucide. now why that happens is a different issue altogether..the reasons are various ..from wrong conditionig to improper cognetive responses to stress to trauma and no or very less support system and even genetics..we should not judge person of sucidal tendency as really coward ..as it is its just less seritonine neurotransmitter in the brian can make one feel depressed enough to feel like that..one has most of the time very limited control over the organic distrubance that may trigger such behaviour..as it is we all want to be happy n not sad..so no one purposefully tries tobe depressed. just as liver kidney muscles can get some disease of have imbalance ..being a organ brain can also have ..which with proper nutrition can get better ,,n be healed too.

Sumit said...

Brilliant thought, Kaddu! I can relate to most of what you said because honestly, I have faced some of those 'dark' moments during my life. Thankfully, I've always found the courage to walk back from the edge of the precipice, and not let myself go.

However, since then, I've also decided to reach out to people I know or ahve interacted with. I wouldn't want anyone to take such a drastic step just because he/she felt the dearth of someone to talk to.

Vyazz said...

Wonderfully written!
I absolutely love the way u made analogies with your nephew. Quite insightful.
As an outsider it may be hard to understand so as to what goes on within the mind of a suicidal person.
But I can tell you this, somewhere down the line all of us feel let down and morally depressed. The anguish and the misery build up so high that we are rendered hopeless to keep those feelings at bay.
And as a consequence a few others take the extreme step.
Parental or social pressure like I said may not always be the cause.
The self inflicted pressures and demands prove more fatal.
One should take life as it comes on thing at a time.
And trust in the almighty to aid us in the time of our need.

ktheLeo said...

Good content your views have a concern for those who think nobody thinks for them.

Long back I have said in one of the 'Nazm'(yet to be posted)but two lines are relevant here:

"खुदकुशी करने वालों भी आओ माफ़ हम कर दें,
जीते रहने का कोई रस्ता न नज़र आया होगा।"
Keep thinking,happy Blogging!

Kadambari said...

This is an aspect I don't quite know of. It does take to be in a person's shoes to know what it feels like! I'm so happy for you and glad you did what you believed in. Keep up the spirit and spread the cheer! :)

The Root Chakra analysis was pretty interesting too.

Kaddu said...

Mukund:
Your comment deserves another post... you'll figure out why...

Tangerine:
:-) Thanks

Kaddu said...

Shreesh:
Exactly! Brain is also an organ... & has brain diseases shud be taken the same way as any other organ-related diseases. But the bottom line still remains - disease, ANY disease, is nothing but ur body's way of telling u that something is not quite right in ur inner world (meaning ur thought process)... & tht u need to chng it. Suicidal ppl are completely self-centered & yes, the act in itself is an act of cowardice. Running away from change is always easier than bringing abt that change! I don't say thr aren't any reasons for the way a person is or his thought processes are... but then again... in the larger scheme of things, they are made tht way to learn that particular lesson... & until they learn it, they'll keep finding themselves in similar situations.

Kaddu said...

Sumit:
Yupp, I agree to that.

Vyazz:
"self inflicted pressures and demands prove more fatal"You summed it up! Even if the society/family has certain expectations from us, we have a choice whether to accept the load of pressure or refuse it & do our own thing!

Kaddu said...

ktheLeo:
Ha ha ha! Nice lines! Welcome to my blog btw, hope to c u arnd :-)

Kadambari:
LOL! Yeah... otherwise just imagine... I wud hv died thinking I was the only 'Kadambari'/'Kaddu'! He he he! :-p

♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥ said...

philosophical post...

not my cup of tea...

just one thing I wanna say...that u really make me proud of the choices u made and living them...

and the guy in the pic is real cutie :D

Nikita said...

i promise a post on this one. maybe soon. i generally refrain from factual posts bcoz i think if i start talking psychology, ppl may find it boring :)

but then again, maybe i shd use my blog as medium for psycho-education once in a while too!! :P

Kaddu said...

DayDreamer:
He's my nephew UV... his birth is what inspired me to start this blog! He's a day older than my blog btw!

And yes, there's no better "treatment" for rebuilding faith in yourself than throwing a baby up in the air & watch him squeal with delight, knowing without a doubt in his little (or big???) heart that you WILL catch him!

Smiling is infectious... ye to sabhi jaante hain! But faith can also be highly contagious!

Kaddu said...

Nikita:
Hey I sure would love to read it. However, if you feel such a post doesn't go too well with your existing blog theme (the content, not the layout)... u can always feel free to make a guest post here. My blog is pre-dominantly related to healing related stuff, philosophy & the likes... & it's only lately that I hv started blogging abt other things too.

Tangerine said...

ur nephew is just so adorable!

and ur post.... an awesome read... m coming back for more!

Kaddu said...

Tang:
He he! Isn't he? And he's also so naughty! Hyper-active for sure!

Btw, chk out his other photos on "Being Independent" and "Each Child is Unique..."!

Would love to see you more :-D

Nikita said...

well, lets see about that. i'm juz preoccupied with a lot right now, but will sure write soon! :)

u take care. n all the best for the exam!

navadeep said...

wow....nw dats wat i call a blog....i havnt read much of urs, bt DIS surely is D best....u cn judge frm d no.of comments...i knw u wnt reveal, bt u gt me all curious...n m askin u d big questn...wat hapnd to u dat bot u to d MOMENT OF INSANITY?

prithvi said...

Suicide is a sin as it brings only suffering to your loved ones, so those who commit them should think twice before doing that. But then a question quickly springs up in my mind, what was so wrong with their life that they had to resort to that, the most convenient answer I could think of was boredome, loneliness and self-disgust, as you said you have been through that period, but most suicidal people can't muster the courage to do so. The world has only become more selfish. How many times do we concern ourselves with others problems? Most of us would say be concerned with your own life!!! So maybe it’s not only the suicidal people who are at fault, sometimes even we are to blame for what happens!!!

Kaddu said...

Nikita:
Sure... just let me know whenever you want to do it! :-)

Kaddu said...

Navadeep:
It's not 'what HAPPENED to me'... it's more of 'what I THOUGHT had happened'! The keyword in the whole story is "perspective"!

Kaddu said...

Prithvi:
Ha ha! Not boredom LOL! But yeah the other reasons are pretty valid! Well, everybody is caught up in the same mess, we all have prbs to handle, which we don't want to let on to others... & tht creates a gap between ppl! Everybody thinks the others are happy, but no one is happy in reality! Vicious circle! Btw, thanks for your visit buddy! Hope to c u again!

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