Thursday, January 31, 2008

The "Bigger and Better" Syndrome!

So what exactly is this “bigger and better syndrome”? Let me explain this to you with the help of an old “Sprite Ad”… which I have always felt was created by an “enlightened” person!

The script given below is not of the original Ad, but in a slightly different setting. But once you go through it, you will understand that the same holds true for actually any facet of your life! Read on…

Imagine a software professional in a Sprite Ad...

Your Colleague: Hey pal!! Why do you just sit here wasting time in forwarding mails to people? Why don't you check out some new software packages... learn some new languages? Do some fundoo programming like me....! Do something cool man!!

You: Ok! And then what will happen? ...

Your Colleague: Impression man!!! And appraisal!!! You'll be No 1 in every appraisal man! Hike in salary!! Extra Stocks!!

You: And then what will happen? ...

Your Colleague: You'll become a Project Leader... and then a Project Manager!!! And then Business Manager!! One day you will be a Director of the Company man!!

You: Really??? And then what will happen? ...

Your Colleague: Then you can simply "CHILL OUT" man!! No work pressure!! Just come to the office… be COOL!!... And check your MAILS!!!

You: And what am I doing right now????

Moral of the Story: Don't fall for what's being shown to you! Use your own "gray matter"!

The entire world out there leaves no stone unturned in making us believe that there are “bigger and better things” out there, that we must “keep chasing”, in order to live a more satisfying and fruitful life!

Pick up the newspaper or any magazine… or simply switch on the TV or the radio… heck! Even news channels don’t miss out on any opportunity to let people know that “whatever they have in life RIGHT NOW is not sufficient… and that there are other things out there that you NEED”!

But the truth is that you DON’T NEED anything other than EXACTLY what you have RIGHT NOW, to do whatever you are supposed to do in life RIGHT NOW! Yes, you may WANT a lot many things more… but WANTing is not the same as NEEDing! And most of us aren’t really able to make out this fine line of difference between the two.

I am not a Marketing student, but my work as a Freelance Writer these days has taught me a lot about how to “make people buy stuff they don’t really need”!

Step 1: Create some mistrust about whatever they have got currently… do anything that would leave them on totally shaky ground… feeling “lost and lonely”… and in total “despair”!

Step 2: Introduce your product. This comes along as a subliminal message that “Hey! Don’t feel so bad about yourself”! (You see the trick here? You yourself go and make the person feel bad about himself first, and then come along to wipe his tears!)… “I am here for you”!

Step 3: Nobody likes feeling bad about himself... and lost and shaky! So you instantly become a “Godsend friend” for him. In other words, you can now sell him anything you want to… you are “God Himself” for him!

Why am I telling you guys all this now?

Because… unfortunately… I was also just like all the rest of you… caught in this trap of the “bigger and better syndrome”! I would simply never stick to one thing! One job to another… one course to another… one hobby to another… you name it! Wouldn’t even stick around with one particular thing to see it through to its completion at least! Now obviously, you can’t really succeed in anything in life with THAT kind of approach, can you?

So how does Teramai Seichem fit into all this? Well, haven’t you already figured it out for yourself by now? If it hadn’t been for all that controversy and confusion regarding this system of Reiki, I would never have come to this realization!

A few days ago I had been telling a friend about this on chat… and he told me how his mom had suddenly decided one day that she was “content” with whatever she had learnt till then! Now he could have got that message across to me in any number of ways… but he HAD to choose the word “content”! … And of all the things he said that day… THIS one word had to stick out in my subconscious mind like those flashing lights on the ambulance or a police car… and go in a loud “BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!”

Well I did need to spend some time in quiet contemplation (… or “hibernation” as I call it)… so that all these pieces could fit together to give me the complete picture… and it so happens that I was right all along… about knowing deep down that Teramai Seichem was meant to help in my growth in some way… even if just as a “stepping stone”!

It turns out that it has helped me (… in more ways than I could ever imagine in fact… but I will come to that later)! It has helped me in getting rid of one of my worst blocks ever! It has helped me re-evaluate whatever I’ve got in life currently… and whether I have used all those resources to their full potential already!

And the best thing is that I never even got around to taking a “formal training” in it! That’s why I say – “The ways of functioning of Nature are beyond anything that our mortal minds, with limited perspective, can ever begin to fathom!” And that is why I said in my previous post on this yesterday that the “bigger and better” post will help clarify things further!

This whole episode regarding Teramai Seichem has not only helped me get past a stubborn block in my life, but it so happens that even in my own quest for truth, Nature used me as a “medium” to help someone else too… another total stranger… so that this person could also get through a phase of “self doubt” and whatever blocks that had come up, demanding to be “seen and, subsequently, dealt with”!

This whole incident forced me to deal with certain other issues as well… and in ways that I am not very happy about… but then like I said – my limited perspective is just not equipped to understand the “WHY”s and “WHAT-FOR”s of the “demands” made on me and the “instructions” given to me! I can simply follow them… whether I like them or not…

Oh and coming back to the “bigger and better” syndrome… yes, there are “bigger and better” things… but they are not “OUT THERE” as you are told repeatedly! … They are all “INSIDE” you! You need to seek “WITHIN” you for real “contentment” and “joy”!

Oh and you don’t need any anti-cellulite product to “get your life back”! You look “JUST PERFECT” even with cellulite all over your body… and with “braces”… and with a “missing front tooth”… and with “pimples all over your face”… or “freckles”… or “scars”… or “blemishes”… or a “broken nose”… or whatever! And your life is “PERFECT”… just the way it is RIGHT NOW…

Yeah that holds for you too Kaddu!

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Note To My Readers

Sorry guys... I was supposed to do that "bigger and better" post today... but I have been caught up in a massive flow of work suddenly! I can't really blame anyone for it... 'coz I'm the one who made that intent for "financial prosperity" in my Reiki Crystal Grid! Weird way of working this Universe has... I tell you...

Since my freelance role allows me the privilege of having flexi timings, I totally got addicted to "procrastinating" my work until my boss gave me a deadline! I was taking like 3 days to write 6 500-word articles! Heck! My blog posts are longer than 1000 words each!

Well, finally I just told my boss that this system wasn't really working and that I needed work in bulk, because I can't seem to make myself to "sit down to work" without any pressure! And the best part is... he agreed to it! So now he sends me like 25 articles in a lot! Or he sends me only those assignments which have an "URGENT" deadline tagged with them!

And guess what! Since I made that intention for "financial prosperity" in my Reiki Crystal Grid, all his old and long-term clients have suddenly decided that they all want him to do "URGENT" work for them... and because they all share long and fruitful work relations with my boss, he just can't refuse anyone of them!

So basically, his entire "writer-team" is getting all "URGENT" assignments these days! So much for the Crystal Grid! Seems like I've got everyone in a mess here!

Anyways... another "URGENT" assignment to complete... and I'm also running a slight fever since yesterday evening... nothing too serious... but hey... let's just continue tomorrow now ok... hopefully!

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My Final Decision Regarding Teramai Seichem

This is in continuation with my previous post on Teramai Seichem...

As I was advised to research further on this, I have contacted several different Teramai Seichem Healers and Teachers, located all over the world, in the last few days. Here are the results of my findings...

Some say - "You would retain the Usui energies".

Some say - "You will automatically loose them".

This one person who directly trained under Milner says - "One has to be CLEARED of Usui initiations manually". [I wonder if that's even possible!] He even offered to do them for a cost!

Some say - "You will loose Teramai Seichem energies if you give/receive other attunements".

Some even go to the extent of saying - "You'll damage your chakras!"

Then there is this one person in Mumbai who apparently said - "It's ok to continue teaching both systems."

So... as can be seen from the above very clearly... there is no single consensus as to what exactly happens after you do Teramai Seichem. But one thing is for sure... it definitely isn't comfortable in co-existing peacefully with the other Reiki systems like the "stable and grounding Earth energies" in Usui Reiki or the "compassionate" Karuna energies.

I have been through dozens of different websites on Teramai Seichem... and it seems that the entire system is soaked in all kinds of controversies... with all the other Reiki systems! I mean one site even went as far ahead as to dig up some controversy regarding the "place of origin of Usui Reiki"! Now how does that change the healing abilities of Reiki in any way? :-/

But I found myself wondering... "Is that the way it is meant to be? Are the "higher" vibrations so intolerable of everything else? And if that's the case... do I really want to go into those "higher" energy states?"

Then I got my answer...

Apparently, this has nothing to do with higher or lower states of energy. This is just the "bigger and better" syndrome, that has made America so famous for its "Capitalism"... and, unfortunately for us blind Indians, we too are following suit!

Read my next post for more about the "bigger and better" syndrome! Oh and I want to thank one of my "blogger friends" for giving me this phrase - "bigger and better"! Thanks buddy!

And my final decision is that I am not learning Teramai Seichem finally. I always knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be the “final destination”. It could have been a “stepping stone”, as some other Teramai Seichem healers have done before me… but I’m definitely not willing to lose my Usui energies for this! Some may call it “holding on to the OLD”… yet others may call it “sticking to your ROOTS”… it’s just a difference of perception! :)

No intention to hurt anyone’s feelings or create any further controversy… because as they say… "All paths lead to God" [No Neelabh, I don’t mean you this time!]... and “Each man to his/her own”! So trust your heart... and find your own path… and read my next post on "bigger and better" to gain further clarity!


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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Today's "Daily Tarot"

Queen of Wands

The Queen of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in liberation.

I radiate or communicate personal power, passion, and allure and am not dragged down by trends.

I have a bold magical flair and a spirit of innovation and pride.

I am secure in my identity or performance and thrive on creating, designing or fostering new or equal opportunities for aesthetic or personal growth, expression or awareness.

I am empowered with gratitude, attention and reputation to go beyond the call and I transform through exploring or initiating change.

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Strangest Day!

It was more than a year ago that I first experienced the phenomenon of remote sensing (or maybe that isn't what it's called technically!)... when a person sitting in an online chat with me... and that too a practical stranger, who hadn't even met me till that time… told me stuff about what I’d been feeling that time, being kilometers away from me! And he did this not once, not twice, but repeatedly! Told me which part of my body had been paining. Told me about my sister when she was feeling hungry. And so many several other little things!

Needless to say… I had been immensely surprised and curious as to how he did this! He told me he had learnt this technique when he attended the Silva Mind Power technique. He told me that after getting your brain state down to the alpha level, it was possible to “feel yourself” in “someone” or even “something” else! Like… “If I were that cow on the road, how would I feel”?

Well, whatever he said made absolute sense from a logical point of view. I mean basically what he was doing was that he would simply “jump out of his own body” into that other entity, for a fraction of a moment… take stock of “how things felt in there”… and then “come back in his own body”! Simple right!

So I thought I should give it a try too. First step required was to get my mind into that “miraculous” alpha state. Took me several months to master the technique, but now I can easily relax my mind to achieve that state within a few minutes, even in a room full of chattering ladies (make that “chattering gentlemen” in my case, ‘coz the men in my extended family seem to talk louder than the women… and hence they are the only ones whose voices can be heard at any given point of time!)… or a crowded bus… or with the TV blaring in the adjoining room! But try as I might, I couldn’t master that “remote sensing” thing!

Then I read someone's blog today… and I came across these lines in it… “Like the ventriloquist who throws her voice behind a ball one minute, under a table the next. Consciousness can be thrown into a dot, into a line, into a human form, into a thought form or directly into Heaven. Crossing the veil, moving through dimensions is nothing more than shifting consciousness from one location to another. Be the dot. Be the line. Be your form. Be now. Be here.” Well, the idea sort of registered deep down in my psyche somewhere.

A little while ago, I had taken a break from work and was doing some self healing lying on my bed. I had turned on one of those Brain wave music tracks… you know, one of those “in” things today that help in altering the brain states. So I was listening to that track and was doing touch healing on my own body. I was in that “blissful state between wakefulness and sound sleep”. I knew exactly what was happening around me, but my mind was deeply relaxed and was open to any kind of suggestions that time.

(Oh btw, I think this is the state which Hypnotherapists and NLP practitioners utilize for planting healthier and more life supporting suggestions into their clients’ subconscious minds.)

Anyways, while I remained in that blissful alpha state, suddenly a stray random thought would go floating into my mind… wouldn’t be able to create any disturbance there though… and would eventually disappear on its own. I continued moving my hands around onto various parts of my body, wherever Reiki took them. Finally one hand landed on my solar Plexus Chakra and the other on my liver. And I could sense a sudden increase in the flow of Reiki from the hand over my Solar Plexus.

Then suddenly the thought about “being that dot, that line” wafted into my mind! The one from that blog I read earlier today. And immediately after that, another thought followed suit… “Be a tree?”

No sooner had this thought entered my mind that I felt a sudden change in myself! I had been lying straight out on my back till then, but suddenly I was upright! I mean I didn't really stand up... I was still lying on my back, with my hands where I had placed them, but I *felt* I was upright! And then suddenly I started splitting into branches from the top… which started spreading out until I felt they had become too heavy for me to balance! But then, at that very moment I started “growing roots” from the bottom… and was like “sucked” inside the solid earth! Perfect balance achieved! I felt totally unshakeable. Although the branches on the top weren’t really symmetrical… like the trees I used to draw as a kid! (Oh yeah, I noticed this little detail too!)

But then I got so shocked with what I had just experienced that I instantly sat up! Phewwww! Let’s see if I can repeat the same thing again… not today though… ‘coz I have to get back to work…

Oh and we celebrated the Republic Day here in our building today! First time in 3 years, since we moved into this apartment, that there has been any kind of “community building” exercise here!

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Heartbreaks, Disappointments and Tears!

Yeah... life is just full of these nasty little bumps along the road!

So what causes "heartbreaks"? Well, whenever we have set our heart out on something and are really looking forward to seeing it happening... but in the end it doesn't really materialize... we are left with a broken heart, a big disappointment, some tears and a gloomy face! That's the state I'm in right now!

So what was I "looking forward" to this time? Well, you won't really believe this, but I was really looking forward to getting my Teramai Seichem training! And I was going to get it too... towards the end of next month! But the events in the last few days have forced me to rethink about it. And eventually I have come to the conclusion that I cannot take it... not for the time being at least!

And what made me take this heart-renching decision? Hmmmm!

For those of you who don't know what Teramai Seichem is, it is another branch of Reiki, developed by Kathleen Milner and Marcy Miller in the USA, wherein you start channelling 4 energies - Earth, Sakara (fire), Sophi-el (water) and Angelic light (air and spirit) - as opposed to the only one (Earth) in the traditional or Usui system of Reiki. So obviously, it is a more powerful system of healing! Combined with the power of "four", the Teramai Seichem system has the ability to heal at much deeper levels, and even enhance one's awareness and psychic senses, at a much faster rate than the traditional Reiki! And that is the reason I had been so enthusiastic and excited about learning it for months now!

So what made me change my mind now? Well... my Usui Reiki teacher has just recently got his Mastership in the Teramai Seichem system. And now he tells me that Kathleen apparently says that once initiated into the Seichem system, a person should not receive any further attunements in any other Reiki system. She also says that once a person starts giving attunements in the Seichem system, he/she should not give attunements in any other Reiki systems. She seems to have mentioned apparently that doing this would disturb your chakras somehow!

And this is what has made me change my mind. The fact that if I take an attunement into the Teramai Seichem system now, it would imply that I can no longer take attunements in any other Reiki system.

Now, my Usui Teachership level is still left. Although I have no wish to start teaching Reiki right now, it doesn't necessarily mean that I might not want to teach it at some point later in life!

The justification I have been given about that is that why should I want to teach a "lower" and "older" system anyway? Well, that's right. Maybe I wouldn't want to teach Usui Reiki after all... once I start using the Teramai Seichem energies. But then again, maybe I would want to teach Usui Reiki too! I can't just BLOCK my options like this, right... when I'm not sure currently as to what I might want to do later on!

So the only option left to me was that I take the Usui Teachership first, put it under my belt for future, and then get initiated into the Seichem energies! But like I said, I really don't feel ready yet to start teaching! And moreover, Usui Teachership would cost me like 10 grand! And that's a lot of money to spend on something which I'm not even sure I'll be using!

The exact same thing happened with Karuna Reiki too! I didn't really want to take the Karuna Teachership at that time, but was convinced that I should do it and that I will get to use it! Guess what! It's been almost an year now, and I still haven't used it! And guess what again! A person cannot be initiated into Karuna Reiki unless he has done at least the first 2 levels of the Usui Reiki! In other words, I cannot attune anyone in the Karuna system unless I first attune him into the first 2 levels of Usui Reiki! But I don't have the Usui Teachership! Hahhh! So basically... the Karuna Teachership thrusted upon me (and my sister) at that time were a total waste of money!

And do I want to repeat the same mistake over again with Usui Teachership now? Nope, I don't think so! I make a lot of mistakes in life, but I never make the same mistake twice! I will take the Usui Teachership only when I really feel that I am ready to teach now. And since Teramai Seichem attunement would "apparently" close this option for me, I guess I'll just have to go without that too for the time being!

But you know what! There is more to it than what I have stated above! There has been this gut feeling that keeps telling me "something is wrong somehere" and that "things don't quite add up"! Earlier today, I was chatting with one of my friends who has recently taken the initiation for Teramai Seichem Level 1. This person advised me to make a list of pros and cons regarding the whole situation. This is what I came up with.

Reiki is supposed to be "natural Universal Life Force". It is a totally positive energy and can, in no way, harm you or anyone else! It simply cannot be used for any negative intents. So if Teramai Seichem system is also Reiki, then how can it harm a person's chakra system or energy body or whatever it is supposed to harm if a Teramai Seichem channel takes an attunement into any other Reiki system? Now I'm not an engineering student, so I don't really understand the concept of transistors and wirings and what not! But I do understand this...

One of the very basic Laws of Nature is "peaceful co-existence with all".

If Teramai Seichem is really Reiki... means if it really is the "natural Universal Life Force"... then shouldn't it "co-exist peacefully" with all the other systems?

Then why has Kathleen said that it would cause harm if used with other Reiki systems?

Or has she really said it?

Doesn't it indicate a very strong power struggle? By creating fear in people's mind, you force them to follow your system only!

Doesn't it mean that you are intentionally creating blocks in a person's mental and psychological layers, by making such a negative statement?

"Well, maybe nothing will happen if I continue teaching Usui Reiki too, but what if something does happen!" Who wants to take the risk? And besides, the moment you start fearing something will happen, you automatically draw it to yourself! Basic "Law of Attraction"... and I don't even need to see "The Secret" to understand this much!

Well, this sure seems a bit too restrictive to me! It's like taking away a person's free will... his freedom of choice! And don't we all know how much I despise being "chained"? Besides, as I said in one of my previous posts, I have only just begun to start growing my wings again... and I'm not going to allow anyone to cut them off again so soon!

As for the "heartbreak"... oh I'll get over it! Have been through a lot worse before! And... don't we all know... I am a tough girl!

Bottomline: "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!"

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

What Color Is My Aura?

I am predominantly a Crystal, Blue and Violet… followed very closely by Indigo and Lavender! Let’s take a look at the crystal color first.


Crystal is a rare Life Color. Crystals have clear auras and are known as the "aura chameleons." Like chameleons, their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are connecting with at the time. They then take on the characteristics, behavior patterns, emotions and thoughts of that color.

In simple words, if I am with a person who is feeling happy, I reciprocate happiness. If the person I am with is agitated, I tend to become restless too. If he/she is insecure, insecurity is exactly what is written all over me too! So basically, all those who later accuse me of being “emotionally angry” or “nasty” or “jealous” or “confused” should first reflect upon their own feelings and thoughts at the time they felt this way about me!

This is really like throwing stones at the mirror for showing you the horribly pimpled face you bring in front of it! Well, if you don’t like to see those pimples on your face, blaming the mirror won’t really help at all you know! You’ll simply have to drink more water and clear yourself of the “toxins” YOU have been holding inside your body!

Oh and by the way, I’m not exactly a “mirror” to your thoughts and feelings and moods. I am a “crystal”. There is a major difference between the two. While a mirror will reflect back exactly what is placed in front of it, a crystal, on the other hand, has this inherent property of amplifying energies many times over! It isn’t really able to differentiate between positive and negative energies, but simply “absorbs” the energies, amplifies them, and then throws them back out! And that’s exactly how I am!

Babies and very small children also have crystal auras. They are always taking on the moods of the people around them. Whenever I see my 1-year-old nephew, this fact reiterates itself! My dad always greets him with a big smile on his face… n he comes running to my dad n throws himself in his arms with an equally wide grin on his face… n the entire rest of the world is forgotten at that moment! But if his mom is feeling a bit disturbed some day, he would simply add on to her misery by creating even more disturbance in the house that day!

But if they are in power, Crystals can be a clear conduit or channel for healing energy, although, because of their unusual sensitivity, they can only heal one person at a time. They then need to go to a peaceful place to cleanse their aura. Working with too many people can short-circuit their system.

That’s true. I prefer to work in quiet, calm and peaceful environments… usually on my own. I am extremely sensitive and can be overwhelmed by being around too many people. In fact, whenever I am in a group, I tend to find myself sitting quietly in one corner, watching and listening to the others! I need to spend a lot of time alone in quiet meditation to replenish myself. Spending quiet time, reading or listening to music, is therapeutic for me. If I don’t do this at regular intervals of time, I tend to become withdrawn, quiet and insecure.

While it may seem like a really cool thing to be a “Crystal chameleon”… a natural born healer… showing people what they are at any given point of time… in reality, it is far FAR from “cool”!!!

Oh everything goes along fine when I am with people who are in a positive mental and emotional state! But when I am with someone who is consumed with negative thoughts, insecurities, hurt, anger, depression, I simply tend to take on these moods too, and end up doing and saying stuff which I normally wouldn’t have done or said!

And then… as if the self-imposed Cappie-Saturnine guilt wasn’t enough… those very same people actually have the nerve to come back later to tell me that I’m “such a negative person”! It does “wonders” for my self-confidence, I tell you!

Some recent events in my life, in the last few months, have shown me more clearly than ever before, how this “weakness” is affecting my life! I have said and done a lot of things which are totally “unlike me”! I have been caught unawares in other people’s energies… and have just sort of flowed along with them, without putting up any fight of my own!

Well I have finally found a workaround for this. I realize that while it’s not possible to “avoid” negative people all the time, it sure is possible to practice enough self-awareness so that I can choose not to “fall into the trap”. I can “close” my energy system in the presence of negative vibrations from a person. Or, in other words, I can set “the book of my life” to “Read-Only” mode!

I have been trying this for some time now… and it sure does seem to work. Every time I sense some disturbance in my energy field, in the presence of someone else, I simply close myself first of all. Then I focus on the other person… n try to figure out exactly what that person is up to. If I realize that the person may be consciously or subconsciously trying to “stir things up” in a negative way in my life, I start channeling Reiki immediately and enshroud myself with a blanket of protective white light! I suppose “practice” will make this technique “perfect” with time.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Left Brain Vs. Right Brain

Dang! Looks like I'm totally Left-Brain oriented!

The actual colors of the words didn't even register in my mind!

I just read the words as they were written!

Not even the slightest hint of a conflict!

No confusion on even a single word in the list!

Oh well! Whatever then! Sighhhhhhh!

Here's more in "Who-Am-I"!

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What you wear can have an equally drastic effect on your life as what people call you! Yeah! I'm not joking!

As they say, we are all here to play a part. Just imagine... if the Prince were to dress as the Pauper, would he feel comfortable playing the role of the Prince? Would he be able to justify that role completely? No.

In "Pretty Woman", Julia Roberts causes many heads to turn her way, and has to face insult and embarrassment, because of the clothes she is wearing when she goes to buy some new outfit on her own! Later on in the movie, the same Julia Roberts is dressed in a completely different way... and still causes heads to turn her way, albeit for a completely different reason! Now think... if she had dressed as a "lady" in the first part of the movie and as a "hooker" in the later? Haahhh! What a catastrophe!

Prolonged exposure to the wrong choice of clothes can completely change your identity... to the extent that you're no longer able to remember what character you are supposed to be playing! I'm glad I've found the "correct wardrobe" for myself finally! [Pheeeeewwww]

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The Week That Was

Last week was full of miracles and sudden breakthroughs! In various spheres of my life! I'm still reeling with amazement over all that happened in the past 7 days!

I seem to have finally broken through a stubborn pattern in my life that has existed for the past 10 years! I also seem to have finally made contact with my lost "inner child"! And it seems that my Reiki Crystal Work is working very well really!

And among other things, I also celebrated my 30th birthday... and oh!... In what style? Been waiting for my 30th b'day for 12 years now... I had this belief that while "18" was an important landmark too, the 30th milestone would take me beyond that *image* of "youthful unreliability and impulsiveness"... and people will start taking me seriously! Waiting for "50" now! :D

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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My life... my Book???

This post is inspired by something I read on someone else's blog. I don't have permission from that person to link to that post... so I'll simply put down my own thoughts related to it.

Once upon a time, people used to tell me that my eyes are like an open book. They contain no secrets, no mysteries, no hidden truths, and no unsolved jigsaw-puzzles! And that basically summed up my life too! For once upon a time, that's how my life was... a wide open book! I used to write in it, and others used to read whatever I wrote!

And then one day, perhaps because it was such an open book, others started writing into it too! They started leaving behind impressions of their life stories in my book! And I was naive and ignorant... and ignorance is not always a bliss... or maybe it is after all... for I definitely WAS blissful till the time I was ignorant!

Anyways, I allowed others to write in MY "book"... the "empty pad" that had been given to ME, to write MY own life story in it! And very soon my "book" was filled with experiences of other people... perceptions of other people... limitations of other people! Words and statements of relative strangers began to leave a mark on my life!

Before I realized it, people had started setting boundaries for me! They had started clipping my wings even before I had a chance to find out how wide they’d spread! Until one day I discovered… I had completely lost all control over my life! Others had started influencing my destiny… shaping the “story of my life”!

And so I wondered… whether it was time I “closed” the book… ended the story that was apparently no longer mine! And I got the opportunity for doing this too! Several opportunities infact!

But something held me back! A tiny ray of hope… that perhaps I could still reclaim that which was rightfully mine! Perhaps it was this “Creator” in me… whose feeble voice I heard that day, amidst the raging storms in my mind… who told me that I had it within myself to reshape my life the way I wanted it to be!

And so I once again took charge of my “book”… and started repairing the damage done by others! I am modifying some of the content they had put in there… re-writing it to change the endings… while the rest of the stuff will just have to go out completely! Because that’s not me at all!

I realize that the boundaries specified by them cannot contain my free spirit within! I have only just started spreading my wings again… & I realize that I can still grow them back to their full length! I can still “soar above the clouds” and “race above the stars”! And I can still “fly to places yet unseen” and “go beyond my wildest dreams”!

I was lucky I was able to hear that tiny voice that day! But all of us aren’t! And while the lucky ones manage to get the reins of their life back in their hands, and try to steer it back onto whatever track they may choose from that point onwards, the not-so-lucky ones remain lost in the sea called "Life" forever... flowing wherever the pages take them... pages written by others!....

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Monday, January 7, 2008

What’s in a Name!

Yeah, we often say that “a rose by any other name would remain a rose”! That’s true. Its look and texture would remain the same; its fragrance would also remain the same; and so would the healing/relaxing properties associated with that smell (as used in aromatherapy)! But MAYBE, if “rose” was called something else, it might not have gained that universally accepted status as the symbolism for love! Who knows! That’s the power that a simple and insignificant thing as the “name” of an entity can have!

Very recently I was drawn into the intriguing and mysterious world of numbers! Pulled out my old copy of Linda Goodman’s Star Signs yesterday and started going through it. Apparently, the letters R, O, S and E correspond to the numbers 2, 7, 3 and 5 respectively, which total up to the compound number “17”. Quoting from the book, this number is expressed in symbolism as the 8-pointed Star of the Magi, which “is the image of LOVE and PEACE”! Hahhhh! What do you say to that eh! :D

Well, my Christened name “Kadambari Singhania” calculates to a total of 16... “Kadambari” giving a 9 and “Singhania” giving a 7! Now read what my friend Linda says about 16. The number is symbolized as “The Shattered Citadel”… “A Tower struck by Lightning, from which a man is falling, with a Crown on his head”! It warns of a strange fatality, danger of accidents and defeat of one’s plans! Pleasant, isn’t it!

I don’t know about “fatality”… as I’m still alive and breathing right now! Abraham Lincoln was a number 16, and we know what happened to him right! But then I guess I don’t need to worry about this part as long as I choose to “renounce fame and celebrity”. (Ha Ha! As if I have any choice of that right now!) As far as accidents and defeated plans are concerned, that has, in fact, summed up the whole story of my life so far!

To quote Linda once again: “If the name equals the Compound number 16, it would obviously be wise to change the spelling of the name to avoid this vibration.” So then, what do I become now? “KKadambari”… as in Ekta Kapoor’s stretching-into-eternity soap-operas “Kkusum”, “Kkoi Dil Mein Hai”, “Kkehna Hai Kuch Mujhko” etc? Noooooooo! Pleaaaasssseeee!

Another more acceptable option was to drop an “A” from my first name… and become “Kadambri Singhania”. This would give me a name number of 15, which stands for “The Magician” apparently. (Incidentally, “The Magician” is also popping-up very frequently in my Tarot Card readings these days!) Linda says that 15 is “extremely lucky” and “is associated with ‘good talkers’, eloquence of speech, and the gifts of music, art and the drama.” She also says that “the 15 vibration is especially fortunate for obtaining money, gifts and favors from others”. (Oh wow! I am beginning to like this number more and more!)

But that was just about the Compound name number effect on my life. There are also the “Single” number effects to consider. The number 16 adds-up to give a 7 in result and 15 gives a 6 similarly.

Number 7 is for spirituality, sensitivity, mystery and sympathy; healing and miracles, faith and dreams that come true. The 7 people have a dislike of following the beaten path (so like me!) and a tendency to adopt unorthodox beliefs, tinged with a philosophic outlook. Their sympathetic understanding nature attracts an abundance of friends, relatives, associates, all unburdening their woes and miseries to these Neptunians! Hmmmm! That’s all “me”… and I don’t mind being any of it actually!

Coming to number 6 now: Ruled by the planet Venus, this is the number of love and romance, compassion and the feminine essence! (Aahh! Exactly what I need!) “The number 6 people seem to magnetically attract others to them.” (Well, I already do that anyway!) “Money often comes to them without effort, sometimes through their own talents and abilities, sometimes through inheritance or through wealthy friends and relatives.” (Oh wow again! This “name change” seems to be a very promising and rewarding experience!)

Well, I guess I’ll have to find out the procedure for officially changing my name. And I’ll also have to go over all the practical consequences that might arise due to a name change at this age! Till then, let’s see if the effect of the 16 number vibrations can be reduced by any of my nick-names.

My current nick-name “KADDY” gives me a 12 – “The Sacrifice – The Victim”. Do I need to say anything further on this? Not really!

My family nick-name “CHIKKI” gives a 14, which stands for “magnetic communication with the public through writing, publishing and all media-related matters”. “However, both gains and losses are sometimes temporary, due to the strong currents of change, which are ever-present.” “It’s a mistake to rely on other.” (So true!) “Rely on the intuition, the self, and the voice within.” (Thankfully, I DO have a strong intuition!) Well, I haven’t yet decided whether to keep this name or stop using it. Any suggestions are welcome.

But now, let’s check out the most famous nick-name I have ever owned! “KADDU!” This name has been used by all my school friends for years! They still refuse to call me anything else, even after almost 12 years since we completed school! And their parents don’t even recognize me by any other name except “Kaddu!” If I ever announce myself as “Kadambari” on the phone, they get all confused for a moment, saying “Kadambari… who?”

“Kaddu” gives me a 17… same as the “Rose”… “The Star of the Magi”! It not only stands for “peace and love” but also “promises that the person or entity it represents will rise superior in spirit to the trials and difficulties of earlier life, with the ability to conquer former failure”. The number 17 “is ‘the number of Immortality,’ and indicates that the person’s (or entity’s) name will live after him”. Yeah that’s true. “Kaddu” made me famous… and it made me tough and unshakeable! Then I became “Kaddy” when I started working. And that marked the beginning of an end!

Well then… I have decided. From now on, I request all friends and associates to STOP calling me “Kaddy”. If you are someone who uses a nick-name for me, please do not call me by any other name except “Kaddu”! I don’t care anymore if this Hindi word translates to “pumpkin” in English! I’d rather go down in the history books as “the talkative pumpkin”, than sacrifice all my plans and dreams for the ambitions and desires of others!

As for my official name… well, I’ll have to think a bit more about it. I guess I’ll update everyone by mail if any changes take place. Until then, “Kaddu” it is for the meantime!

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Saturday, January 5, 2008

"Pain" and "Suffering"

I wrote this on paper sometime last week, but couldn't post it... partly due to a slightly busier schedule... but mostly because of my addiction to Mahjongg Fortuna on Zylom! My Reiki teacher tried playing that game yesterday for the first time... couldn't get the head or tail out of it... eventually gave up! My sister has played the game a few times... she is not able to understand why I like it so much! My dad simply hates all computer games! But now back to my article...

The other day I really had an eye-opening experience! I had gone to my uncle's place in the town... he lives in a flat on the 7th floor of a building... and as luck (or destiny perhaps???) would have it… the lifts in that building were not working that day! So my dad & I had to take the stairs all the way to the 7th floor. Now, I'm an asthmatic, so the situation wasn't a very favorable one for me, right! Oh ok then... it wasn't really favorable for ANYone...! I mean who would want to climb 7 stories up a building by choice! But anyways, I figured since I had my SOS inhaler in my purse, we might as well go ahead with it... no point in going back home or waiting for the lifts to start working again!

All was well till I reached the 5th floor landing. And then I felt going out of breath slightly, and also a little bit of tightening/congestion in my chest. So I decided to take a puff from my inhaler, 'coz as the docs say, these little devices work best when you use them the moment you anticipate the beginning of an attack, rather than waiting till you have a full-blown attack! So I opened my purse to pull the inhaler out... and then realized, with an utter shock, that I had forgotten to carry my inhaler with me that day! First time in 12 years since I started using that thing! And I was like.... WOW! NOW WHAT!!

The moment I realized that I didn't have my inhaler in my purse, I was gripped by a sudden fear! A PANIC rather!! And I just couldn't think rationally for a moment! I mean my condition wasn't really THAT bad you know! If a perfectly healthy person were to jog for like 1 km, he would also run short of breath slightly, right! But he would be able to get his breath back by just relaxing for a few minutes and calming his body!

And that's exactly what I had to do at that time! But I didn't... 'coz I had totally lost all sense and logic! Instead of sitting down on the stairs for a few minutes to steady my breathing, I climbed the remaining 2 stories to reach my uncle's place as soon as possible! And that, combined with my mental state, worsened my situation even further!

Once inside their house however, I started giving Reiki to myself and tried to calm my mind. My dad was least bothered about it at that time! Apparently, it seems, HE had more confidence in my ability to handle this situation on my own than I had in myself! Anyways, he busied himself with his 1-year old grandson (whose birth marked the birth of this blog too btw!)... & left me to my own devices!

I kept working on my mind and body for maybe like 40 minutes or so... kept giving Reiki to myself... AND kept trying to relax my mind... and it seemed to be working too... but only for like a minute or two maybe! I simply couldn't empty my mind from thoughts of that missing inhaler for more than that much time!

Every couple of minutes, the image would flash across the screens of my mind that I don't have my inhaler with me! And once again, the fear would grip me for a minute or so... till I was able to divert my mind to other peaceful thoughts again, so that the discomfort would slowly ease again and my lungs would gradually relax again, allowing me to breathe normally again! But the moment the same scary scene flashed again in my mind, the whole cycle would just repeat itself!

I kept swinging like a pendulum between panic and poise... at times the panic states were longer, while at others the relaxed states were of longer duration! Basically, it had just turned into a matter of mind control eventually! If I was able to prevent that thought of not having my inhaler from entering my mind, my asthmatic attack would start easing out on its own... but the moment the thought entered my mind, my lungs would again become stressed! I could SEE this even as I tried to feed my mind with pleasant thoughts, but eventually I just gave up!

I told my father that I MUST get the inhaler somehow... so it was arranged that my uncle would drop it on his way in another few minutes. Finally, when I realized that the inhaler WAS on its way and that it would soon be in my hands, I WAS able to relax! I got the inhaler eventually after another 20 minutes or so, but by then I didn't really need it! My breathing had more-or-less normalized on its own by then! Oh I DID pretend to take a puff anyway… so that they didn't feel that all the inconvenience I had caused them had been totally unnecessary!

But the incident taught me a very important lesson! For the very first time in my life, I had a FIRST-HAND experience of how it all just boils down to our mind matters! I mean, the thing that had been making me miserable that day wasn't really my lung condition... but the thought that "I didn't have my inhaler"... and the fear associated with that thought! And if I had been able to master my mind over that thought, I could have been perfectly fine within minutes!

Later on, I was told that is what the "wise" people call "pain" and "suffering". You may be in pain, but you can choose not to suffer due to it, if you have enough mind control. And they also say that enlightenment is the "end of all suffering". So I guess that once a person becomes enlightened, all it really means is that he develops enough mind control to be able to choose NOT to suffer because of his pain! But it doesn't necessarily imply that he won't experience any more pain in life!

And this, I guess, probably further boils down to "Acceptance"!! As those "wise" people further say... "Accept pain without attaching any importance to it... and accept pleasure without attaching any importance to it... for both shall pass"!

Hmmmm! Well, at least I finally SAW for myself this fine line of difference between pain and suffering! I suppose it wouldn't have been possible to REALLY understand this difference without actually experiencing it! Now... the mind control... well, patience my dear Kadambari... and practice...! :-)

Note: This smile is especially meant for "Kadambari"... who, I'm sure, will forget about this lesson in the near future... getting caught up in other things... and will come back to this post one day, and read what I have "channeled" through her today on this blog. She will then smack her forehead and scold herself for having forgotten it...! Ah well... while I am at it, I might as well leave her a remark to NOT be so harsh on herself! ... "Take it easy kiddo!" [Hugs] :-)

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