Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sentimental Idiots, Smart Guys!

Couple of days ago, I posted a joke someone had forwarded to me, on the “ongoing battle of the sexes”… “Mars And Venus At War... Again!” Today, I feel the urge to add some of my own personal “gyaan” to it!


That joke ended on the line “Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

Now we all know that the most important thing for men is sex – it’s something that drives them, motivates them, and even compels them to make complete fools of themselves at times!

So if anybody were to ask me, I’d say “a smart man is one who secures for himself an opportunity to have sex every night (and even every DAY if possible!)… for he is smart enough to get what he wants most!

In that case then, how was the man in the joke smart? On the contrary, I’d say he was stupid enough to hit the axe on his own foot for 2 days in a row! He could have handled the situation really smartly… and emerged as the perfect winner, without his girlfriend even knowing that he had won! How?

Well, just as we all know that men can think of little else when they think of sex, same way we also know that women are born sentimental idiots! And surely, with that knowledge in our hands (or in our minds rather!), it ought to be a piece of cake to make them dance to our tunes!

(I use the term “our” above to denote the collective brotherhood of all the human males inhabiting the earth... even though I'm not a male!)

Let me explain this to you with the help of an example – a real life incident.


Once upon a time, there was a Sentimental-Idiot (read: “girl”) who had just arrived from the US to India. She had 3 old school friends in the Delhi NCR region, with whom she had planned to spend a couple of days before she moved on to her family’s residence in Pune. And, like all foreign-returned-Indians, she was also carrying a whole bag of foreign chocolates which were not easily available in India at the time.

She stayed at the residence of the only female among those 3 friends, but, the chocolates had to be kept at one of the guys’ place, as he was the only one among the 3 who had a fridge in his house back then!

After 2-3 days of fun and frolic, it was time for her to head on to Pune. And obviously, being foreign returned, she had a lot of luggage with her. The friend who owned the fridge also owned a car, but it could only accommodate him, the Sentimental-Idiot and her luggage… along with the smashing, highly expensive and pretty bulky speakers that he had installed with the music system in his car!

So the Sentimental-Idiot's female friend and the other guy friend decided to follow them in an auto-rikshaw to the Nizzamuddin railway station, where she was supposed to catch her train from.

The friend-who-owned-the-car picked her & her luggage from the female friend’s place and left for the station. The female friend and the other guy friend took an auto and also headed for the station. Half-way to the station, the female friend remembered that they had left the chocolates in the fridge of the friend-who-owned-the-car! Obviously, there wasn’t enough time to go back to the house and get the chocolates.

Now what the Smart-Guy in the auto did was that he immediately phoned the flat-mate of the other Smart-Guy (the friend-who-owned-the-car) and requested him to bring the packet of chocolates from the fridge to the Nizzamuddin station. (This flat-mate had a motor-bike.) He then called up the other Smart-Guy and informed him of the situation.

This other Smart-Guy decided not to mention anything to the Sentimental-Idiot sitting next to him in the car, for he was not sure whether his flat-mate would be able to make it to the station in time or not… and he didn’t want the Sentimental-Idiot to go sentimental over the loss of her chocolates until it was absolutely necessary for her to do so!

As luck would have it, the flat-mate reached the station just in time! The Sentimental-Idiot was informed about this whole business once the 2 Smart-Guys had confirmed (by cellphones of course) that they would be able to get the chocolates to her before her train left. Obviously, the Sentimental-Idiot … being the Sentimental-Idiot that she was… went completely mental with the tide of sentiments washing over her, when she got to know about the “pains” taken by the Smart-Guys to re-unite her with her precious chocolates -- the proof of her return from a foreign land!

She got completely carried away with that strong tidal flow of emotions, and ended up giving fistfuls of chocolates to all of us, instead of the 2-piece-each as she’d planned earlier! Now think… if it had been her boyfriend instead of her friends who’d gone to such lengths for her, he would have undoubtedly been the luckiest man on earth that night!


Coming back to that joke I posted earlier... you know something! If I had been the guy in that joke, I wouldn’t have gone without sex for even a single night! I would have convinced the girl then & there… the very first night… that I loved her for all the so many little things she did for me OUTSIDE the bedroom and that sex was not important to me at all! (I mean let’s face it… for centuries, people said that the Sun moved around the Earth, but, did that make it actually come true? No… right?)

What I’m trying to say is that we all (and I mean both - the men and the women!) know what’s really important, after everything is said and done! So if the Sentimental-Idiot wants to pretend otherwise for a few minutes, to subside whatever temporary emotional disturbances she might be going through at the time, what’s the harm in playing along with her! As it is, the net outcome at the end will always be highly in favor of the Smart-Guys… because of the “exchange rate” between Mars and Venus!

Didn’t understand this point? Ok let me explain with another example.

Let’s say I have a friend in the US. And let’s say that friend gifts me something worth $10. For him, that’s just a bit of change, but, for me, here in India, it is equivalent to 500 bucks! And that’s a pretty significant amount of money for me! So automatically, I would try to complete the “energy exchange” by giving him something that carries as much weightage for him as 500 bucks do for me! You’re getting the idea now?


Women are always ALWAYS so predictable! Regardless of whether they are ambitious or not, career-oriented or domestic, belong to the fast city-life or to a small laid-back town… deep down they all remain the same Sentimental-Idiots! And they can ALWAYS be trusted to behave in the most emotional way possible in any given situation (… whether in favor of you or against you… depends upon how YOU handle the situation)!

In fact, I would say that the independent variety of women, which is becoming more and more common these days, is even easier to please than the traditional housewifely kind! Reason: these modern women are just so used to doing everything on their own and fighting all their battles alone that even the smallest gesture of care and concern for them will carry a lot LOT of value in their eyes! A surprise call, an unexpected visit, a couple of flowers stolen from the neighbor’s garden… anything out-of-the-blue really, as long as it is pleasant!

However, the irony in this whole thing is that men steadfastly refuse to see what is right in front of their eyes! They keep saying it is not possible to understand women, whereas the truth is that there really is nothing to understand about us! We are all just plain and simple Sentimental-Idiots! Period. How can you expect emotions to follow any kind of logic or reason? All you can do is learn to make them sway in your favor!

And you know – it’s not just about sex either! Keeping the women in your life happy (all of them in fact, and not just your bed partner) yields far more important and greater benefits than just sex!

A happy woman thinks happy, and she obviously includes you in her happy thoughts too, because you’re the one who inspired that happiness in her at that time! And being a hopelessly *sentimental* idiot, she FEELS equally happy too! Happy thoughts, combined with happy feelings, make the most powerful prayers for everyone included in those thoughts!

By the simple Law of Attraction, a happy woman tends to create more happiness for herself, and all those around her! Happy women are like the most powerful guardian angels for all their near and dear ones!

Happy mothers help their kids pass their exams with flying colors. Happy female colleagues in the office create more peaceful, productive and satisfying work environments. Happy wives, subconsciously, clear the path to success and prosperity for their hubbies.

In short, a happy woman simply draws more of that towards herself, which makes her happy… just by the infinite power of her idiotic *sentiments*... which men so fear! A Smart-Guy, however, would know exactly how to make her strong mood-swings work FOR him rather than AGAINST him, because every "emotional down" of a woman is an opportunity for him to "score" big with her!

And that is why they say that “behind the success of every man, there is a woman".

But if you were to ask me, I'd say that “behind the success of every SMART man, there is a SENTIMENTAL woman"!

Picture Credit: http://doodlewala.blogspot.in/

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1 comments:

Neelabh said...

you are about to start a world war of sexes. Hold!!!

:)

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